"if the couple don't quarrel, why do they get married?" how do couples quarrel when they learn psychology?

Ling wants to be a parent.

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Parents study hard and children make progress every day. Pay attention to the original words of children's psychology, while accompanying children's growth, devote themselves to their own growth.

Some time ago, I attended a workshop held by a psychological training institution, and the teacher told the story of a couple.

The couple used to quarrel so bitterly that they even quarreled with the Civil Affairs Bureau.

There are scenes like this many times--

The wife roared: get out!

The husband said, "get out!"

Bang! He slammed the door and left, leaving his wife to cry bitterly at home.

Later, they began to study psychology in an attempt to save the marriage.

After study, although there will inevitably be quarrels, but the painting style has become like this--

The wife roared: get out! Get on the bed!

The husband said, "get out!" Tell me, how do I get out of here?

This is not a joke.

The couple are the founders of the organization.

They not only saved their marriage by learning psychology, but also combined the strengths of various schools to set up this psychological training institution to help more people improve their relationship between husband and wife and parent-child relationship.

Some people may ask: after studying psychology, why do you still quarrel? shouldn't you raise your eyebrows, be happy and have no more troubles?

In my opinion, it is almost immortal to be able to do that.

As a secular person, my experience is that after studying psychology, couples quarrel less and quarrel more "artistically".

Yes, I know a lot about it.

In the first few years of marriage, my father and I quarreled a lot.

Moreover, I find that we have a fixed pattern of quarreling: two quarrels on the same thing + cold war.

As a person, my temper comes and goes quickly. After the first quarrel, I thought it wasn't a big deal. I took the initiative to ease up and coax him, and it was over.

Father Orange's face eased somewhat, but he was still angry: you don't have to do this, we have to be clear about this. Where are you wrong? if you don't make it clear, you will do it again.

In my opinion, this is his problem in the first place. I have kept a low profile and stopped arguing with him, but he insists that he is right and makes me reflect. How is this possible?

So there was another quarrel.

They are all reasonable and aggrieved. No one can fight each other, and then there is the Cold War.

It hurts to make so much noise.

I dreamt back in the middle of the night several times, and in the dark, I felt a little sad: I didn't know how my marriage had become like this, and whether I wanted to go on or not.

Until these years, we all began to learn and grow up. I studied psychology, and he also cultivated his mind by doing his own things. we took different paths, but influenced each other and gradually entered a virtuous circle.

Learning and growing up made our quarrel different from that before.

First of all, I don't think there is so much to argue about.

The first thing learning changes is cognition.

When cognition increases, the pattern becomes larger.

Small to make a sound when drinking soup, what to order, to career choices, life planning, will respect each other's choices more.

Even if you have different ideas, try to respect each other's wishes.

For example, I want to put oranges in Mathematical Olympiad. Father Orange thinks it's useless to learn that. We argued about it several times, and no one could convince the other.

The later solution is to take a semester class and let the oranges feel for themselves.

After a semester, the orange felt good and agreed to continue.

At the end of the school year, Orange fell in love with the Mathematical Olympiad class, which was also very helpful to his math grades. When I usually chat, I will mention this situation to my father Orange, and he won't say anything anymore.

When you encounter things, compromise with each other and try your best to take care of each other's feelings. Many things can be solved without quarreling.

Secondly, through learning, there will be more awareness.

Awareness will make people get rid of the drive of instinctive impulse and jump out of the whirlpool of emotion.

There is a difference between being aware and not being aware of it, just like the difference between fighting with ants and watching ants fight.

With awareness, this fight is not easy to quarrel with.

Just like the couple in the psychological institution, when she said, "get out of here," she instantly sensed her mood, adjusted it in time, and turned a quarrel into flirting.

The other day, my father and I argued about an issue at lunch.

If you argue with me, you will blush a little bit.

Orange father said: you are not discussing the problem now, but trying to prove yourself right.

As soon as he said so, I realized it, and naturally relaxed.

Sometimes, when I find that an argument is about to turn into a quarrel, I will stop in time: stop, I don't want to discuss this issue now, we both have emotions, wait until we calm down.

Often, when you calm down, you will find that there is nothing to discuss about it, or say it in a few words.

Whether the quarrel is aware or not directly determines the direction of the quarrel.

Through learning, you will see a lot of things below the surface, and you will see the relationship through right and wrong.

In the past, all you saw was the other person's attacks, injuries, unreasonable, and countless shortcomings.

You will naturally be angry, aggrieved, miserable and repentant.

Now, you can see the softness behind the defense, the desire behind the tough, and the efforts and intentions of the other party.

When you see these, this fight is not easy to quarrel with.

We also have minor conflicts and quarrels every day, but we are not as angry as we used to be.

Father Orange will soon come to coax me and make me laugh in various ways.

I couldn't help giggling and went down the hill to the donkey, and it was over.

In marriage, there are so many right and wrong, almost on it.

What's the use of winning right or wrong and losing feelings?

Relationships are the most important.

If you have a good relationship, everything will be easy.

If the relationship is not good, no matter how small it is, it will become a big thing.

More importantly, when you start to learn and focus on yourself, the internal blockages begin to be cleared, the energy is smooth, and your heart becomes stronger.

You will no longer put the happiness of life completely on each other, stubbornly think that my husband is good to me, I am happy.

You will no longer keep your eyes fixed on your partner and never let go of his every mistake.

You will find that the world is so interesting, your heart is so wonderful-so many interesting things are waiting for you to explore, there is no time to quarrel.

You have your wonderful, you can give yourself happiness and happiness.

When we are no longer obsessed with changing each other, but to be ourselves, the other person is affected by our positive state and wins their respect and treasure.

Some time ago, the father of Orange also said, "do you know why my temper has changed?" because I found that you are much calmer now and no longer become a hedgehog because of one thing.

I said: Ah, I think you are more peaceful and tolerant now, so I have nothing to get angry with.

What a wonderful thing.

If after reading this article, you think I am showing love, or think that my husband does not study, there is no way out for marriage, then this article is of little value to you.

I sincerely hope that you will put your eyes back on yourself.

Marriage problems and children's education problems are mostly caused by our desire to change each other.

If you can't change it, it's very painful.

The only way out of this predicament is to let yourself grow up.

Through learning, through action, make yourself better, stronger,