I would like to Disappear.

We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, so don’t be mad for too long . Learn to forgive and love this the key ; most important love. Forgive with all your hearts, don’t worry about people who don’t like you, focus on the ones that do.

Beautiful that isn’t it the Truth I wish it could be; So break it down I had a husband. We both cherished each other and my husband was a good strong standing pillar in our community. We had a large family on my husbands side; you could say it was idyllic.Then the bullet holes.

We lost his Dad to cancer - went to his funeral; he lost his battle with cancer 2009 his mum was the to proceed to cross over within 12 months to the same cancer.

She passed over and I went to hear from my local teaching school .The Stockport Christian spiritual church,

I knew it was origial with all the information - still in the nighty I bought her and the slippers, then critically ill and passed away.

Malc began to do everything the specialist had told him not to do which caused a self destruct button. In his eyes the family had now moved away dispearsed got new jobs and getting on with their life.

He would go out drinking on his own and smash all the living room up and he waould smash the back garden up. He was looking for answers but didn’t find them.We needed marriage councilling; the state helped us with a few lessons and dumped you if you were ready or no not after 6 . Sessions Hence dump negative energy as it allows you to become vulnerable with a hardened heart.

They were massively helpful and I know malc was a little distance from the sessions they had helped me immensely.

This little decantation summed up my late husband; towards the end then 17 yrs we had before we were to be married were indestructible and indescribable; gifted with a energy between us where we spoke to each other without talking.

My husband had such dignity he knew when he was dying and he certainly wasn’t dying in our bed - so he booked in a night at the Holiday Inn and booked a night in there and low and behold he passed away with an open verdict as the court found anything but it was put down to a heart attack and couldn’t breath and collapsed and died.

Since then I have retired early; a little depiction of our later stage in the end of life together. So a little insight into early behaviour of him ast follows.

Daddy goes to work at the same time every day during the week.

He wakes up.

He gets dressed.

He sets off for work.

He returns at the end of the day and that is his day finished.

Daddy has nothing else to worry about once he has finished work for the day.

Daddy is tired after a long day at work.

Mummy works whenever she can fit it around children. Mummy tries to work really hard whenever she can so that the family can afford to do nice things and go to nice places. Mummy also hopes that one day, if she works hard enough...that they will be able to afford a bigger house, with a bedroom for each of the children. (With a space for a dishwasher)

On a weekday, Mummy will wake up with the children, she will give them breakfast and get them dressed, she will endure the constant battles that her threenager continuously decides to put her through every single day.

Mummy will throw her hair up into what can only described as a massive mess and she will take the children to school resembling some sort of morbidly obese zombie.

When Mummy arrives back from the school run she will put on a load of washing, she will wash the pots, then she will look at the mess of the house and wonder HOW THE ACTUAL is it possible to do ALL OF THE THINGS, ALL OF THE TIME. Mummy will rush around like an absolute twat to get everything done in the small window she has child free.

When Mummy has finished her jobs and she has collected the smallest child from Preschool at 11.45am she will arrive home and start to think about the list of jobs she has yet to complete. After making lunch for the little one she will think about:

Activities that are to be attended.

Uniforms that need to be ready.

Meals that need to be cooked.

Packed lunches that need to be ready.

Spellings which need to be learnt.

Letters that need to be read.

Emails that need to be answered.

Bills that need to be paid.

The house being tidied yet a-fucking-gain.

The smallest one being occupied.

All before she can even begin to think about starting work. Her actual job.

Mummy has to worry about ALL OF THE THINGS. all of them whilst Daddy sips his hot coffee in his office.

When Mummy has a day off of work, she still does all of the above and more, she still has 1001 things to worry about...EVEN on ‘her day off’

Daddy has two days off a week, and whilst Mummy is catching up on her work and is extremely busy with clients, Daddy feels as if he is entitled to a day sat in front of his PlayStation.

Daddy spends roughly half of his younger days off sat on the toilet, looking at his phone.

Daddy doesn’t worry that the children might be bored..even though he is the ‘fun’ one.

(To be fair he is the fun one, Mummy is too exhausted)

Daddy doesn’t worry about learning spellings, reading school books or tidying the house.

Daddy doesn’t worry about uniforms being ready.

Or packed lunches...

Daddy doesn’t need to worry about the washing of clothes...or the putting away of them.

Daddy doesn’t worry about washing ; Unless he is asked, Daddy doesn’t just crack on with any of the things.

Because it is Daddy’s day off from work.

When Mummy mentions to Daddy that she ‘doesn’t have enough time in a day.’ Daddy the massive Cockwomble replies “Thats just life. Isn’t it!”

Daddy doesn’t have a sodding clue.

And that is why...

On a Sunday evening...

Whilst witnessing the carnage around her, Mummy drinks lots and lots of grape juice.

Because she bloody deserves it...before the school run tomorrow.