I Tried Making Up With An Ex-Sister

So I tried making up with a bestie I fell out with during the pandemic. It didn’t work. I was ignored. When I asked a friend of hers if she was still in contact her as I would like to make amends. I got blocked.

I’ve sent letters, cards and messages to the friend but I’ve been ghosted. I have come to accept that this person wants nothing to do with me and I must accept that. Even though we saw each other as best friends, sisters and soul mates.

I miss her, it was clear she meant well, and I may not have seen it. I may have been in the wrong, but so was she. She told me to take responsibility for my actions and I did. I confided in her for personal things.

When she said, “you’re autistic you can’t see what’s in front of you.” My other friends were furious and confronted her over that. Then I got accused of being a manipulative bitch. “Why would a stranger be so angry at me?”

My close friends stood by me throughout it. I still find it traumatic. Before all this drama happened we were great friends. We always sent stuff to each other because we lived so far away. Every conversation between us mattered. We loved the same kind of music and fandoms. We learned from each other.

I stayed at her house for a week twice, I always felt welcome. She is a great cook and wonderful cat momma.

With regret things went sour. I think if I had worded things better or stood up for myself more, things could have been different. I meant no malice or harm, despite what she thinks. But I have learned a lot from her. I don’t speak out much but when I do people see me as being a bitch.

I was suppose to be giving her some jewelry for Christmas but after we fell out in October 2020, I ended up gifting it to a lady who I looked after. That was when I told her I didn’t want the gifts, I just wanted the money back.

Maybe she does want to me friends with me again, but she’s so busy or ill, she hasn’t had the chance to reach out to me.

• Some things are best left kept to myself. There certain things I should have kept to myself. I would have had more friends that way. I was too trusting back then.
• Just because they say that they care dosen’t mean that they do. She told me I can only count true friends with one hand. But I have a lot more close friends than that, many who I consider family. I think I am lucky to have about a dozen close friends. And just because I haven’t heard from friends in a whole doesn’t mean I don’t think about them or care.
• Never let anyone use your credit card. I let her use my credit card because I trusted her. Looking back, I can see this was not a good idea as I had to pay a lot of interest on it. She did pay me back quickly though. I picked up stuff for her in another town to send to her (in the middle of a pandemic) just to make her happy. She told me I should have integrity. But if she truly had any herself, it wouldn’t have taken a year to pay me back. I had a suspicion that she wouldn’t pay me back at all as she was planning to use the money she owned me to give me extra gifts instead. I didn’t expect her to pay me back at all after the fall out.
• Not everyone wants you to be at your best. I learned that the hard way. She’d be like, “I told you so!”
• Trying to please everybody will please nobody.
• Stop looking at past conversations that trigger me. “You’re autistic, you can’t see what’s in front of you” comment made me feel degraded and isolated. I don’t think she understood how patronizing it sounded, but I am sure if I told her, she would have been angry. But I do wonder how things would have been if I had told her straight away.
• If they can’t accept my full truth, then they’re not worth my time. I shouldn’t have to hide certain things or mask or talk shot just to blend in. I can stand out or say things people don’t like. Some people just can’t handle the truth.

And people just because you have experiance with autistic children, dosen’t mean you have authority over autistic adults. I am not a vulnerable adult, I am a woman who is capable of making her own choices and someone who takes big risks. Sometimes they work out and sometimes they don’t.

I don’t regret trying to make peace with her. I would have regretted it even more if I didn’t.