I Thought You Were Meant For Me

I thought you were my soul mate. I thought you were meant for me. My perfect match. That was then and this is now. How many of us has had this thought at one time or another? How many of us would have been wrong? I thought I was with the guy for me , but after a lot of time I see maybe he is not the right guy for me or for my kids, and maybe I am not the right woman for him either.

Maybe we are just too much alike for a relationship to work for us. He wants to be in control and thinks he is right about everything. He is the kind of guy that it is his way or no way , his way or the highway. No woman can control him, tell him what to do, or run anything in his life. He is a narcissistic, controlling , abusive type However, he thinks he is the greatest guy I could have ever in my life. When I say abusive I do not mean he puts his hands on a woman, I mean the narc behavior and abuse. The gaslighting , the controlling , and the hateful threats.

He once threated to get a restraining order on me if I ever contacted him again. The one that tried to keep the contact though was him. He just used the threat as a weapon. He threatened me with a divorce so many times, told me he was taking his wedding ring off, told me he had people that were wanting to buy it, and I heard from people that he was trying to give away pictures of me and my kids that had been sent to him.

So, I said maybe we are too much alike? Well, in some ways that is true. I am not controlling by any means, but I have raised my kids all by myself for their entire lives and I was not used to someone having a say in my kids lives, or trying to parent my kids. To him, that meant I was controlling. I am OCD and a perfectionist so I like everything in the right place and I may not want that place to change. I like things done a certain way and in certain timing, and to him this meant I did not want to give up control of anything and he felt like he was king of the castle and this was HIS house, and these were HIS kids. Even though they shared no DNA with him, which they did with me. With him, I could not even make choices for my own kids. He treated me as if I was not even their mother. Because I refused to put up with this, he threatened divorce . He was stubborn, so was I . He was bull headed, so was I. He thought he knew best for my kids, so did I. So, like I said maybe we were too much alike, and maybe at the same time, we were too different.

He was a step dad coming into an already made family, making us a blended family thinking that he had every power that I did, and my kids should look at him the way they looked at me. He got jealous that my kids did not look at him the same way they did me. Got mad that if we ever ended our marriage , they would take my side instead of his. He resented the fact that they loved me more, cared for me more, and that if we got a divorce they would be loyal to me and not have a relationship with him.

I thought he was meant for me. The truth is that he was not and I wasted too much of my life, and their lives thinking that he was.