I'm the weird mom

Kids need a stable environment to thrive. They need food, shelter, love , and discipline. They need clothes, entertainment, reassurance and routine. They need a parent or guardian to provide this. And they need that person to account for everyday mishaps while keeping the bowl rolling.

But what happens when the parent needs structure too? This big person, with the IQ of a “normal “ adult needs routine. They need stability. They need things to stay exactly as they are. They have trouble accounting for those everyday mishaps. And they “throw tantrums” when an unexpected ball comes rolling their way.

Probably wouldn’t go to well, you think?

Well, this is the life of a family that has a parent with Asperger’s. This is the life of the kids with THE WEIRD MOM.

If you don’t get it yet, imagine this.

The parent is in a bubble. (Their home, their routine)

When they are in this bubble, they can live a life that slightly resembles the average person. They can cook. They can clean (somewhat). This parent can work from home and pay the bills. This parent can even feed, clothe and bathe these children. But when something disturbs that bubble, all hell breaks loose. The adult cannot account for these random life occurrences. And they (for lack of a better word) freak out.

There’s much more to it. But that’s just one of the most common problems. And it really takes a toll on the whole family. The kids have trouble understanding how their parent is so ‘childlike’ in some ways but so ‘adult like ‘ in others. The parent often feels like a failure.

I can imagine the outside world shares the child’s confusion. They may think this person is incapable of parenting. Or they may think this person is just weak and lazy. Neither are true. Different does not mean lazy or incapable. It stands alone in its definition.

I, myself, have been gifted with VERY understanding children and an understanding fiancé as well. They work with me through my frustrations. They wait and listen. They provide a comfort where the world is very cruel and unaccepting.

In my own misguided attempts at preserving their peace, I’ve tried to walk away a few times. It’s something that the world has told me to do.

Don’t burden them. They say. Let them go.

But they would not have it so. They plead for me to stay. And I do. It’s one of my better decisions.

In the past 2 years, I have made so much progress in my thinking and behavior. And even though the world does not forgive, they do.

We set systems in place to avoid as many problems as possible. We have routines, strict schedules, quiet time. Mommy has her “me time “ where she can unwind and with stressors.

There are still bad days. But there is comfort in knowing that there is hope. We know that every problem facing our household will be tackled head-on. Any revisions that we can make, we are open to making them. If a schedule is too rigid, or if one leaves too much room for interpretation, it is edited until it is right. We pride ourselves in organization and understanding

If you are a parent on the autism spectrum, you are not alone. There are others like you. And they have tried and failed just as much as you have. Know that there is room for growth and that you can live with yourself. You can live with others and you can succeed in life. It just takes patience and work.