I’m no expert

I have been married to my husband for over 15 years now. I feel pretty lucky to have met someone that I still find happiness with. However, it hasn’t always been easy and figuring out life together has had many bumps in the road.

It is true when they say you will change and you will either change together or grow apart. However, what they fail to mention is that when you do grow apart you can work on growing back together. It is not easy but in my story totally worth it.

When I met my husband I was highly OCD when it came to cleaning and organizing, messes stressed me out. My husband on the other hand lived like a bachelor and didn’t mind clothes on the floor. To say we were complete opposites would be an understatement. However, lecturing him on cleaning would never work and honestly I was over the top. I can say that now, looking back. It’s never easy to see when your in the moment.

Needless to say I had lots to figure out in my younger years. I could pick a fight with every mess, that would not end in my favor. Not because my husband didn’t care but because fighting was not his thing. Plus it would be exhausting. I could just do everything and be disgruntled at him, but what good would that do? Or I could find ways to make it work for both of us.

So here it goes, some things I learned over the years. First if laundry was being done and your clothes are on the floor and not in the laundry basket, then your out of luck. This worked for a bit, he started putting his clothes in the basket or they didn’t get washed. I didn’t even have to say anything. Eventually though, he just decided one day to wash his own clothes and has never looked back. I can’t say that I lost though, because now I have less clothes to wash and when my puppies put holes in his clothes I just laugh. It’s the small things, really it is.

Second, if you want help but then criticize the help then you can forget about it. This is true for a lot of things, but for me it was the dishes. Of course I did not want to be labeled the only person who could wash dishes. But leaving dried egg in a pan is not going to work for me. Yes I have a dishwasher, but it seriously grosses me out to wash dishes in the dishwasher where the food swirls around. It’s like getting muddy and jumping in a bathtub to clean off. You simply just washed in dirty water. Anyhow, rather than point out those obvious facts, I let him wash the dishes and secretly rewashed any that needed it. It worked for a bit then he caught on, instead of boycotting though he just worked harder at it. Now there are only a few stragglers, but for the most part we got this one down.

My final piece of advice is let go of perfection. It doesn’t exist. It can be hard if you are a perfectionist, but life is more peaceful when you don’t stress over imperfections and spilt milk. Whenever my husband and I take on a project, I work hard to make it perfect, my husband allows for imperfections. He taught me that adding character is not a bad thing and the end result will still be something we take pride in.

Earlier I said I was OCD. Now, I never have been formally diagnosed, although the signs were always there. Throughout the years I have learned to let go of some of my over the top compulsions. Marrying someone who is colorblind surely tested the waters. My once color coded closet is lucky to have two of the same colors next to each other now. My perfect rainbow is just the skittles now and I wouldn’t have it any other way.