I'm an Old Goat

Ever since I was a child, I have been old. I remember always helping with my younger siblings and helping my mom clean up and wanting to learn more such as how to wash clothes with the old wringer washer (I don't think that is your average child's interests, but it was one of mine). The skills I learned served me well when my dad died at my young age of fourteen years old. The old Capricorn was built for this type of a tragic turn of events.

That being said I looked up some traits that Capricorns are said to possess: loyal, hardworking, ambitious, classy, critical, melancholy, unforgiving and suspicious. I am sure this is not a complete list, but I wanted to pick a few out that I found on the internet on a few different sites to compare with myself.

I am a Capricorn sun, Pisces rising with my Moon in Taurus. I think in many ways I do fit the descriptions given. For instance, I've had to work on some of the more negative attributes such as melancholy and forgiveness. I don't seem to suffer from melancholy much anymore as I age. When I was young though, it seemed like many a times I would fall into this state. It's not fun at all, and I'm not sure as I age why I hardly ever do feel this way now. Maybe it's just not giving two hoots or just knowing that you've survived this long, so really it just doesn't matter; and I don't mean that in a negative way. I mean it in a way that what really matters is what I should focus on. As for forgiveness I learned a long time ago that not forgiving only stays in my head and doesn't bother anyone else, so that was an easier one for me to give the boot.

So back to my young life after my dad died. My mom went to work outside the home full time, so I took over the "mom" role at home. I'd come home from school, make supper and take care of my siblings until my mom got home from work. I never realized how much life would change after my dad's death. While my friends got to go to games after school, I no longer had that option. I would ask if I could go to some of the school games, but my answer was almost always no. My mom would say she needed my help at home, so I couldn't go. In addition to the child care and suppers, I did laundry and cleaned the house.

One of my favourite chores though was making supper. I got to experiment with recipes on the family and many times cooked the food I liked. I had a revolt on my hands one time as my siblings didn't like chicken as much as I do, and they complained to my mom about this. Much to my pleasure my mom said I was the cook, and I could pick what I wanted. I felt bad afterwards though and started trying to make food in a democratic fashion - giving choices to my brothers and sister rather than just serving up what I wanted. I don't know if that's a Capricorn trait or not (sounds more Piscean to me), but I did want everyone to be happy even though I was glad my mom took my side during the mutiny.

When I was old enough to get a part time job, I did. I liked that actually quite a lot which I also heard was a Capricorn trait. With my paying job, I would sometimes bring my younger siblings out to a movie or buy them something they liked. When I was 18 and got my first full time job, I then got to help buy groceries which I felt proud to do. I don't think any of my old friends could say the same. They all were making plans to move out with other friends or boyfriends or girlfriends, go to post secondary either in our city or another, and any one of those options could have been mine too except I didn't want to leave my mom alone taking care of the kids.

Empathy or compassion are not usually listed as Capricorn traits, but they are Piscean traits which is my ascendant. This seems to be what turns me about and makes being a Capricorn interesting. I have cared deeply not only for my family but friends, animals and even bugs. I am thinking whenever I make decisions that should be cut and dried in what is best maybe just for myself, I make the "what's best for the group" decisions.

I felt a deeper attachment to my family whether it was due to being a Capricorn or having experience the death of a parent at a young age or a mix of both. Eventually though I did begin to date but later than my friends too because I had other obligations. To this day I would not change anything in the way I did it. My family has been and always will be important to me. This seems to be a Capricorn trait that I know I have.

I also did go to college a bit later than my peers that did go, but I also did that out of a stubbornness. I also heard that being stubborn is a Taurean trait and that happens to be where my moon is sitting, so maybe I just got a double dose of that. It all started with a fight with my mom; I can't remember why we were fighting but maybe it was because I was starting to have more of a life again, but it was a huge fight. I remember she said some very hurtful things at the time to me such as "If you're so smart, why aren't you doing anything." My one younger brother was in SAIT, and I was still working as a waitress, and I felt embarrassed that I didn't have anything to say to her in my defense except in school I got good marks. I didn't feel very worthy at the time and remember making up my mind I was going to college to prove myself to her (or in reality prove myself to me). That was my only motivation really at the time.

After I got to college though I found I enjoyed it and it led me down a good career path, but I guess my determination to not be seen as a failure was what drove me there. I had always been competitive in school for marks and that continued on in college as I won some scholarships as well. More importantly it gave me back some self esteem that I seemed to have lacked which for some reason I think is very un-Capricorn like.

Currently I am helping my daughter take care of my three grandchildren whom I love very much. It has its ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade this for a million bucks as cliche as that sounds. I recently went through a rough period and felt it would be better to get back into a firm again. I had been running my own business before I started taking care of the grandkids, but I don't feel I'm at the age where I want to go rounding up new clients.

While I went through the motions of finding a firm job, I realized that I don't want to leave my grandkids. I'd rather be here with them. They'd rather I be with them too as I've been hearing complaints from my grandson that he hates daycare and wants me to quit my job. He's been in daycare for a month only. My oldest granddaughter expressed her dismay at coming home by herself and no one being at home. My youngest granddaughter flat out told me when I move out to pack up her room as she's coming with me. Much as I do love the work I do, I love my grandkids more. This is where being a Capricorn is tricky. We love our family and feel a deep obligation to them but also love our work and to work, so it took a month of daycare for me to figure out which I wanted or needed more, and I guess in my case my family wins out again.

Now instead of looking at that in a negative light, I'm learning a new software and system so am hoping I can get some more clients again and just continue being with the ones I love. Wish me luck on that one please!

In the end though, I think I do fit the Capricorn profile in many ways but also go against it in some. I think all signs are the same because we are not 100% one sign, so we don't take 100% of all the strengths or weaknesses.

I think everyone should go look up where their moon is sitting, their rising sign and sun sign. I don't know a whole lot on the subject, but what I do know seems interesting. It is like cooking. If you throw a bit of Capricorn into a bit of Pisces or a bit of Libra, what do you get?!