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I Lied for 12 Years. I’m Finally Ready to Tell You Why

The truth I buried nearly destroyed me—but now, it’s the only way to heal.

By Azmat Roman ✨Published 7 months ago 3 min read

For twelve years, I built my life on a foundation of lies. Not the kind of harmless white lies you tell to spare feelings or avoid awkward moments. No, these were the kind that weigh on your chest, suffocate your soul, and force you to live as a stranger in your own skin.

I lied to my family. I lied to my closest friends. I lied to myself. And every single day, I prayed the truth would stay hidden forever.

But today, I’m finally ready to tell you why.


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It all started the night I turned 21. I was supposed to be celebrating—graduation was just weeks away, my future bright and full of promise. Instead, I sat alone in my small apartment, clutching a crumpled letter I couldn’t stop reading.

The letter was from a man named Daniel—someone I never expected to hear from again. He claimed to be my father.

For years, my mother had told me stories about my dad, painting him as a tragic hero who died when I was a baby. I believed her. I wanted to believe her. It made life easier. It made my identity simple.

But Daniel’s letter shattered everything. It said he had left because he was scared—scared of the responsibility, scared of the man he’d become. He begged for forgiveness, asked to meet me, and promised to explain everything.

I didn’t know what to do. Part of me wanted to run to him immediately, desperate for answers. But another part, the part my mother nurtured, screamed betrayal.

So, I lied. I told Daniel I didn’t want to meet him. I told my mother he’d never contacted me. I lied so well that even I started to believe it.


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Those twelve years were a balancing act of deceit and denial.

When I met my first serious boyfriend, I lied about my father’s death. When my best friend asked about my family, I nodded along, sharing the story I’d been told. I built a perfect little narrative that fit neatly into everyone’s expectations.

But every time I heard a song about fathers and daughters, every time I saw a child hug their parent, my heart cracked a little more. I was living a life without the truth—and that truth was eating me alive.


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Why didn’t I tell anyone? Why didn’t I confront Daniel?

Because I was scared.

Scared of what the truth would mean. Scared of the anger I might feel. Scared that my mother’s story was a lie too, and if I peeled back the layers, my whole world would fall apart.

I convinced myself that by protecting everyone else, I was protecting myself.

But the truth has a way of clawing its way out, no matter how deeply you bury it.


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Last year, Daniel reached out again. This time, he didn’t send a letter. He showed up at my doorstep.

I was stunned. My heart raced as I stared at the man who looked so much like me, yet was a stranger.

He apologized, not just for leaving, but for all the years lost. For the silence, the distance, and the pain. He told me about his struggles with addiction, his mistakes, and how he’d spent years trying to get clean—just so he could be the father I deserved.

We talked for hours. For the first time in my life, I felt the truth in his voice. I felt hope.


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But the hardest part was still to come.

When I told my mother, she cried. Not because she was hurt that I’d spoken to Daniel, but because she’d been trying to protect me from the pain she’d lived through herself.

She confessed that she lied—not to hurt me, but because she didn’t know how to explain a father who abandoned us. She was afraid the truth would break me.

It did break me. But it also set me free.


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Now, as I write this, I’m no longer hiding behind lies. I’ve invited Daniel into my life, and even though our relationship is fragile and imperfect, it’s real.

I’m telling you this because I want you to know that the truth is powerful, even when it’s scary.

Lies can feel like protection, but they’re really just walls—walls that keep us trapped in fear and isolation.

If you’re holding onto a secret, I hope my story encourages you to find the courage to let it out. Because healing starts when we stop pretending and start being honest with ourselves and those we love.


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Thank you for reading ♥️ .

grief

About the Creator

Azmat Roman ✨

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