I Have a Dream

August will mark 59 years, since Martin Luther King Jr. gave his prophetic “I Have a Dream” speech. And while we have made great strides as a nation, we still have such a long way to go, before truly knowing that great nation Dr. King envisioned. I like to think of this speech as somewhat a call to arms. I believe Dr. King shared this dream to not only explain his methods and what he was working so hard to achieve but to hold all that would hear accountable for doing their part in bringing this great vision to life. I believe the change we hope to see begins with us as individuals working together for the highest good. I too have a dream, and 2022 is my official start to fulfilling its work.

One December morning, 2020, I had awakened from a dream both scared and excited. While only bits and pieces of the dream remained, its mission was clear. I was to take all that I had dreamed, experienced, witnessed, and endured and use it to help others. Learning to and healing from my own childhood trauma and abusive marriage of 11 years, I came to understand that many of things I struggled with and battled as an adult, stemmed from experiences in my childhood. How I saw the world, how I interacted with others, what I thought was possible and what I thought was not.

I began speaking with friends, family members and even strangers about some of the things I was learning about myself through both therapy and research. Many of the people I spoke to had made similar observations themselves, others couldn’t pinpoint just where life changed for them, although that could be an indicator of childhood experiences in and of itself. Not every experience has to be traumatic to shape you, it just needs to teach you something. As children we never truly understand what “hot” is until we get burned, then we adjust our behavior according out of fear of getting the same result.

I grew up in a loving home. My mom was big on education, manners, and mental health. In fact, many of the coping mechanisms or techniques often given to me by therapists, my mother had taught me when I was a kid such as journaling and assessing emotions. There were, however, quite a few other things my mother did not catch. Not necessarily because of something she was or wasn’t doing but more so because of what she didn’t know to look for, to do, or to say. No parent is perfect and that is why I have adopted the motto, “it takes a village to raise a kid”. Because it truly does.

I hope to affect change in the areas of child development, education, and opportunities in which they have. My dream is to create a program that provides before and after school care as well as overnight childcare. This is to hopingly eliminate children being left home unsupervised for long periods of time or forced to stay in an unsafe environment. The center would have several sports teams the children could join. Tutoring and homework assistance would also be available. We would also have different skills workshops, college visits, and other resources geared to nurture the child’s passions as well as assisting them with finding careers associated with those passions.

Looking back, my dreams of being a writer, actress or performer full-time seemed impractical. My mother encouraged me to explore my interests and kept me in an array of sports and activities. But she would often remind me of the risks associated with those careers, income wise, and motivated me to get a degree first so that I can have something to fall back on should things not go as planned. And while I have often echoed this same message to youth I have mentored in the past. I’m now 36 and have only recently decided to whole-heartedly pursue these passions and now fully understand the benefits of early preparation. See my journey through college took a detour and I ended up joining the Army, got married, had a family and those passions seemed all the more distant, if not impossible. What would my life look like had I stayed the course?

Another resource I hope to provide at the center would be the use of Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs), with a signed waiver from the parents, that would interact with the children through play to identify areas the child may be struggling with. The parents would be given reports whenever something was found and provided various tools, techniques, counseling, and contact information for outside agencies that may also provide assistance. The goal is not to catch things and as to tell parents what they are doing wrong but to bring awareness to the situation and options. The MFTs would essentially provide a safe space for the children to vent and express themselves in a healthy and productive way.

Many families can’t afford counseling, and some are so afraid of being labeled a bad parent and their children be taken away as a result. The goal of my center is to rehabilitate the home or the child in question. Should a child be struggling with the effects of their parent’s divorce, attending family and individual sessions with a therapist could prove extremely helpful in how the child processes these emotions. I held a lot of stuff in as a child. Some because I didn’t feel comfortable, some because I had to and some because I did even know how to express. Parents aren’t always trained in this area and thus may have a hard time recognizing “the signs”. For instance, a parent may think a child that can’t sit still and talks nonstop is doing it on purpose, yet the child has an attention deficit disorder. Or vice versa, the child isn’t normally disobedient, and the parents believe he is going through a rebellious phase. However, when the child gets to an age where they do feel comfortable to communicate, the parents may find out the child was being abused at that time.

It is my dream that every city will have one of these centers and thousands of lives will be changed because of it. But I know that the framework is still be laid. This year, 2022, I will be the center I hope to create. I will encourage every child I come into contact meet. I will ask them their dreams. I will wow and awe them. I will share stories of people I knew that shared those dreams and how they pursued them. I will be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure no child is every really left behind.