I don't know

The first 30 years of my life, seem like a blur and always felt like a dream. I don't remember much before my 20s, and in my 20s I was mixed up in alcohol, sex, and drugs so a lot of it was a haze of wildness, regret, and lost.

Personally, I don't even know what to write or say. I turned 30 in March and all my life I was told, "30s are the best years." Throughout my 20s, I was like Jennifer Garner in "13 Going On 30," I couldn't wait to be thirty, "thirty, flirty and thriving."

I am the youngest out of 5 siblings, so I always felt that my sisters and brothers paved the way for me, they were the ones that made my parents make certain rules and expectations they expected from us. As being the youngest one, my older sister was like another mom, so 2 moms and a very serious father.

My parents are old fashion and did not believe in piercings, tattoos and always told me "don't mess with what Mother Nature gave you." When I wanted my first piercing my father was against it, but my mother let me get my ears pierced at the age of consent (16 years old), I enjoyed it and decided to get my ears pierced 6 more times.

I was always scared of my parents, I got my first tattoo at 19, because I followed the rules. When I turned 25, I finally decided to get more tattoos since I moved out of my parent's house, and then I would hide them from my family.

It was until I was in my late 20s, I ended up having a sleeve of tattoos on my arm and several all over my body. I decided to get my nose pierced when I was 27, because I finally decided I am an adult and should do what I want to do.

I laugh now because I was still living in fear of my parents. I turned my hair a funky color when I was 29 and had my first child. My family was not too impressed but it was an outlet for me to express the real me.

Literally the day I turned 30 in March, it was the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic. So it wasn't a great party. As soon as my birthday passed, I said "I'm 30, I am an adult, I have my own child, I have my own home." I finally had the strength to realize that, I felt like I was a kid still and my parents made all my decisions.

Every since the changes in my heart, soul and beliefs, I was able to get the piercings I've always wanted, I shaved part of my hair, I'm raising my son the way my partner and I believe how to raise him and opened my own business.

Turning 30 has been a positive aspect in my life. I was able to learn the real and true me. I felt more comfortable to express myself, with my tattoos, piercings and even my hair style. I am understood more by my family and I am able to open up more with them and it has had a positive change between my family and I.