How to deal with a Breakup?

It happens that sometimes love is not enough, and there is something that pushes you to continue with your life as far away as possible from that person you still love.

Sometimes love is not enough. You are with the person you think is right, you still love them, you are attracted to them, there is no infidelity or deception or anything unforgivable as an excuse, but you feel that you cannot continue with them.

There is something, perhaps an inner voice that pushes you to end that relationship and go on with your life without it, even though you still love it. Time usually dilates in these ruptures; doubts and fears are so difficult to overcome that the pain becomes almost physical.

Moving away from someone you still love goes against our sentimental nature. It's hard to accept that you're not going to share your days with that person again. Even if the love is still there, you know that's not enough.

Take for instance, you want children, and the other doesn't; you plan a future in one foreign country, and the other does not; you start to need new things, and you know you won't find them with that person. Whatever it is, you have to arm yourself with the courage to accept that the person you still love is not enough. That's when you realize that love is important, but not the only thing.

As in all breakups, it doesn't happen overnight. For a while, the inertia of the couple changes and that stage, if you let it pass, can last for years. But there are times when it is unsustainable; no matter how much you love, you cannot be happy.

And it is in that moment, the moment when you realize the inevitable when you must gather all the courage of which you are capable, all your possible strength, to break and move away from it. To leave, find yourself and start that new life that awaits you.

Even the darkest wounds heal with time. However, it appears that continuing to live is difficult at the moment because the brain is absorbed in recollections of the past, and feelings toward the previous partner are still strong. As a result, we retreat into ourselves, refuse to communicate with loved ones, give in to the power of negative thoughts with anxious expectations, and become emotionally drained.

Although now you do not understand how to live on after a breakup, sooner or later, the heartache will pass. The main thing isn't to give up and then do everything possible so that such a condition doesn't lead to prolonged depression and does not leave an imprint on subsequent relationships. Life is not over; a lot of interesting things are waiting for you ahead, and a new, no less happy relationship.

If you are unable to survive the pain of loss, it is advised that you enlist the support of a psychologist. When parting, this is the right decision. Or at least use his/her advice.

If the breakup occurs suddenly and then at the initiative of a loved one, even when the relationship itself is characterized by a painful dependence with the need to care for and control the other, then the experiences can drag on for more than a year.

How Long Does It Takes To Survive A Breakup?

Many people want to know not only how to survive a protracted relationship breakup but also how long it will takes.

Everyone is unique and goes through this trying time in their own manner. In turn, a combination of the following factors determines the intensity and length of experiences:

Type of Nervous System

The circumstances surrounding the separation

The desire and the effort you make to begin life from scratch

It is believed that it takes from several months to a year to fully recover from a rupture. However, if the breakup happened suddenly and at the request of a loved one, and the relationship was marked by a painful reliance and the need to care for and control the other, then the experiences may last longer.

It is much easier to survive a breakup with a loved one if both partners have found the courage to admit that such a relationship has exhausted itself, and at the farewell, express gratitude to each other for all the good that was. Of course, this does not mean that people who are able to easily give another person the desired freedom and peacefully are robots devoid of human feelings.

They just know how to find resources within themselves that support them in difficult periods of life and experience after a breakup more light sadness than unbearable pain and unwillingness to live on.

Tips To Survive Breakup

Here are recommendations that will assist you to deal with breakup and then feel the joy of life again.

Give yourself certain period time to grieve, and then arrange a type of mourning for the lost relationships and then shattered hopes for a future together. Also, try to accept irreversible changes in your life by learning to live on a wave of new energy without the love and support of your previous partner.

Out of sight, out of mind. Often after a breakup, people try to maintain friendly relations, believing that this is not a reason to completely remove a person from their lives. Don't be deceived, though! Former lovers often consent to friendship because they cannot accept the concept that a loved one will leave their lives forever. Friendship disguised as love does not provide happiness, and such friendship will not be genuine and sincere. It's no surprise that the proverb "out of sight, out of mind" exists. If you have no ties with someone, it is much easier to forget them. In any event, both partners require time apart to focus solely on friendly relationships.

Make sure you don't see anything that reminds you of your ex-lover. It's a good idea to unsubscribe from it on social media, delete the correspondence history, and limit communication with mutual friends. After a split, someone gets rid of joint photos and gifts. Put things in a box and hide them away if you don't have the strength to part with them. If feasible, ask common acquaintances as well, but avoid bringing up the ex-spouse in your presence.

Remove from the player all the songs that remind you of the completed relationship. Replace them with inspiring, uplifting tracks.

Clear the space. Update the apartment: carry out general cleaning, rearrange the furniture, and glue new wallpaper. Cleaning the external space is a kind of mental cleansing, after which it will become easier to accept changes.

Stabilize your emotional state and then discover the strength to continue taking care of yourself. Regular healthy eating, manicure, walks in the fresh air, physical activity will help keep yourself in good shape - both physical and emotional.

Change your image. Experiment with the colour, including the length of your hair, go shopping and treat yourself to new beautiful clothes and shoes, get rid of things that you no longer like. The external affects the internal – this is a fact, and very soon, you will feel better.

Environment support. After a breakup, close people will try to distract you from painful reflections, pull you out of the house, and occupy something interesting. Do not refuse their help because entertainment in the circle of loving people is a great way to feel better.

Determine the internal resource's location. Get rid of the victim mentality and the assumption that someone else will make you happy. Stop looking for love elsewhere because you are the most important person in your life. Develop yourself into a positive emotion producer. Find something that you so much enjoy doing, and that will help you grow as a person, making you more confident and happy.

Do not fill the inner void with a series of new partners. It is necessary to give yourself time to survive the separation from a loved one and meet with your inner emptiness. In fear of pain and loneliness, many jump over this important stage. Unfortunately, going into the arms of a stranger gives the opposite effect, and the feeling of emptiness only increases. Be in conscious solitude for as long as you need, and devote yourself to the restoration of vitality self-development.

Examine the quality of your connection. Consider what drew you into the relationship in the first place. If these are youngsters who are afraid of financial insolvency or loneliness, it is first and foremost required to address issues of personal development rather than the return of a partner, and it is preferable to do it with the help of a psychologist.

Don't try to numb your sadness with food, stimulants, or alcohol. This will not only fail to provide the anticipated relief, but it will also create major harm in the form of stress hormone release, physiological reliance, and weight gain. Better tune in to the deliberate inner effort of quitting the connection emotionally and accepting your current situation.

If you truly require not only love and affection but also a loved one's personality, then tell him frankly and without threats or manipulations. Offer to work together on those problems and resentments that have accumulated during your relationship.

Seek the advice of a family psychologist. That way, at least, you can admit to yourself that you did the best you could.

If the partner is categorical in his decision to break up, then you can only accept his choice and then start living your new, separate life.

you can also watch this short video to learn how to survive break up today.

How To Experience Parting With A Loved One

The experience of breaking up a love relationship often consists of the same stages as the reactions to the loss of someone you love.

Negation

At that point, our consciousness is unable to comprehend the reality of what has occurred. We make plans, hold on to hope, and tell ourselves that the breakup is inconclusive, that the other side will undoubtedly seek reconciliation, and that everything will return to normal.

Anger

We experience hidden resentment or openly manifest it. An endless stream of any accusations or insults pours into the former partner. Often this helps to separate from the partner, to increase the distance. If we do not allow ourselves to feel anger towards our former partner, we often turn the entire flow of negative emotions on ourselves: we blame the breakup and convince ourselves that we do not deserve other good relationships.

Bargaining

We start haggling with ourselves or with an ex-partner in an attempt to start the relationship anew. Living through a breakup, we set ourselves a certain period during which we can return the beloved. As a result, our minds are attempting to cope with the separation and adjust to the new circumstances.

Depression

At some point, you'll realize it's time to quit wasting your time trying to deny the split. And it's at that point that we're swept up in a tsunami of hopelessness, melancholy, and apathy.

Acceptance

If you give yourself sufficient time to recover from this "mental illness," the painful symptoms will fade with time, and you will be able to adapt to a new environment. After that, we muster the will to go on, and former relationships fade into the background, like a chapter in a life book that is followed by new and exciting chapters.

How To Help Yourself?

The rupture of relations is a great burden for the psyche. We do not just say "the heart breaks" or "the soul hurts" – the body is actually experiencing serious psychophysiological stress. The cardiovascular system, digestion, hormonal background, sleep and the ability to rest, the natural flow of the rhythm of day and night - all this is under attack.

During difficult changes in life, it is very important to remember that you are in such an unusual state for yourself, and then if possible, help yourself: fully eat, get enough sleep, do exercises to relieve tension, eat those products that give strength and do not load the body.

To be fair, it isn't possible to do anything at all stages of stress. Sometimes lying flat and staring at the wall is the best thing you can do to help yourself. If possible, take care of yourself - take time off at work and, instead of cooking, order food at home.

Try to prepare for yourself that space and time where you can fully surrender to your experiences.

In order for the loss process to proceed without complications and end, it is very important to honestly go through all its stages.

After the first wave of shock leaves, there comes a stage of aggression, interspersed with a rationalization - the desire to talk to a partner again and again and thus improve the state of affairs (the so-called bargaining stage).

These stages can take different times, and, unfortunately, it is impossible to predict their duration.

One of the last stages is depression - not such an acute but stable condition. He is easily recognized by his loss of strength, dulled feelings and reactions, inability to receive pleasure, sleep and appetite disorders. Despite the difficult course, this is a very important period that prepares us for the final resolution of the situation – the stage of acceptance and the end of grief.

Tell your family and good friends how they can help you and how close you are now willing to communicate. Request that particular issues not be discussed with you, that no surprises be planned for you, that you be "disinhibited," and so on.

Tell them whatever you need, from housekeeping to emotional. Your genuineness will aid in the establishment of communication with friends and family who, regrettably, do not always know how to act appropriately in such circumstances.

How To Avoid A Destructive Scenario In The Future?

A favourable psychological climate in a relationship, among other things, depends on how clearly each partner understands his role, namely: for what reason he/she is in this relationship and why he/sheneeds them.

A neurotic or toxic relationship differs, they are used to reduce the degree of personal neuroses and then work out personal challenges.

If both partners coincide in neuroses, the union can be stable and strong. For example, someone who is interested in exercising control over the person closest to him meets someone who, due to his own childhood traumas, happily accepts this control.

Another case is when one of the partners does not need to work out the pathological scenario and still meets a less stable person which serves as a constant source of discharge and recharging for him. Then a person who becomes a testing ground for neurosis is likely to want to give up a relationship that depletes him.

Other roles that need to be played in a relationship can be learned or discovered through individual analysis.

The main idea of this method is that each of us in different life situations takes the position of a child, parent or adult.

By learning your patterns of behavior, you can adjust attitudes and inadequate expectations from relationships.

This is essential because a strong union is possible when two "adults" meet who understands their needs, boundaries and their weaknesses. Knowing these weak points allows you not to provoke situations where they can manifest themselves to the detriment of the couple.