How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful thing! It is a gift given to mankind to enrich the lives of those joined together in this intimate bond. We look at the movies that tell us of fairytales and living happily ever after. Many of us try to measure our marriages by what we see in movies and books. What’s the problem with that? It’s not real life.

The truth? We’re all broken individuals. We are often selfish and prideful. We lash out when things don’t go our way. Those things affect our marriages and can drive a wedge between even the strongest couples. Since the beginning of time, every marriage has been fraught with heartaches and turmoil. And with those heartaches come the possibility of one or both individuals in the marriage to wander outside the bonds of holy matrimony to have their needs and wants fulfilled.

Marriage is fragile. It is something that we need to invest our time and energy in to ensure that it thrives.

How do we keep the marriage from reaching the point of an affair? Although there is no sure-fire way to prevent an affair (you can’t control the other person’s actions; you can only control your own behavior), there are some ways to make it more likely that you can avoid becoming another statistic.

Show Your Spouse Love

Although this may seem like one of those “duh!” statements, you’d be surprised how easy it is to overlook this one. Don’t want your spouse to wander? What are you doing to show them love and satisfy their needs?

***NOTE: Please know that you are not responsible for your partner’s actions. That’s not what I’m saying here at all. My hope is that we will view how we treat our spouses on a daily basis in order to strengthen that love and commitment between one another.

Do you remember what it was like when you first fell in love with your spouse? You were crazy for them. You would travel 4 hours one way just to see them for a few minutes. You planned special outings you knew they would love. But eventually the infatuation phase is gone. This is no time to stop loving your spouse. What should you do, though?

Remember those things that your spouse loved before and do them. Take her out for a romantic dinner and carriage ride. Buy him tickets to his favorite team’s football game and go with him. Another great idea is to ask your spouse to write down a list of things that make them feel loved and do those things often. Write down a list of your own while you’re at it. Just because the new wears off doesn’t mean we stop making the effort of loving our spouse!

Avoid Temptation

In addition to showing your spouse love in the way they respond best, if you want to reduce your chances of an affair happening, avoid possible areas of temptation. There is no way to completely avoid temptation in the world in which we live. But there are things we can do to not put ourselves in tempting situations.

One way to avoid temptation is, out of respect for your spouse, be extremely selective about who you spend time alone with, especially in private. That may seem extreme, but your marriage is the most important human relationship you have so guard it with every ounce of strength you have. I’m not saying you can’t go out with friends or even be alone with others, but be careful not to put yourself in a place where you will be tempted to break the commitment to your spouse.

Doing this is like inching closer and closer to a campfire thinking you won’t be burned and then regretting it the moment the flame touches your skin. The burn could have been avoided but you insisted you could avoid the consequences of getting to close.

It’s easy to develop feelings for someone else, especially if things are not going well at home, but remember there are consequences to your actions.

Are you willing to lose everything you hold dear because you felt like you could resist the temptation?

Communicate

How many affairs could have been avoided if the couple would have learned to communicate? I’m not talking about merely discussing what your schedule looks like for the week, or making sure the dry cleaning is picked up. I’m talking about heart-level, genuine conversations with one another about your struggles, plans, hopes and dreams. How many affairs started because one of the partners felt like they couldn’t have those conversations with their spouse?

So please learn to talk to each other. That may not come naturally for you, but if you want your marriage to survive and thrive, you must do it! Make it a point to sit down and talk to each other face to face for 15 minutes each day, whether it’s in the morning or before you go to bed at night. Find a time and keep that on your schedule daily. You’d be surprised how this exercise will help the intimacy in your marriage grow.

Do not neglect the communication aspect of your marriage relationship. If this part breaks down, the other areas of your marriage will soon follow.

Put Down The Phone/Computer

We live in a tech-saturated environment. We can’t seem to pull ourselves away from the computer and cell phone (yes, I do realize you may very well be using one of those to read this article). I’m afraid that our dependence on technology is leading to affairs for two reasons.

First, if one of the spouses is on the phone or computer all the time, it makes the other feel neglected and unimportant.

Second, the rise of social media makes the ability to have emotional affairs and communicate with others online without your spouse knowing it extremely easy.

Technology can be a marriage killer…use it wisely.

This is one that could also fall under the “avoid temptation” category. Don’t put yourself in the position where you are relying on another person to fulfill the needs that should only come from your spouse. It may seem like harmless conversation, but as an quote I once read said, “Affairs don’t start in bedrooms, they start in conversations.”

Another good rule of thumb when it comes to technology is if you’re doing something or looking at something that you wouldn’t want your spouse to see or wouldn’t want them to be doing, it’s probably something you shouldn’t be doing.

I’m sure there are other ways to reduce the chances of an affair in marriage, but these are some good starting points. Sit down and talk with your spouse about them. Pray for one another. Hold each other accountable. My prayer is that your marriages will not only survive, but that you will thrive and truly enjoy the joy of marriage that God originally intended.

***For more writing on relationships, check out my article: “What Is Love?”