how not to go insane

here it is when i was a kid i lived in Kimberly BC, grew up there for most of my child hood. it was OK i guess. i was a problem child if ya want to call it, i wasn't really getting in trouble at all but i was fighting all the time going home getting beat or smacked around fr the littlest things like being 5 min late and i lived 10 km out side of town in Meadow Brook, a little trailer court on the side of the road and if ya blinked at the wrong moment ya missed it. so getting to learn that if your not 5 min early your late happen real fast. so i guess i should start at the beginning...

i was born in the lions gate hospital February 14th 1989 and we lived in Squamish for a wile i guess, don't remember so just going on what i was told. we moved out to Calgary until i was about 3 and some major stuff happen and we ended up moving out to Nova Scotia with this guy Nathan Seaba a guy i did not like one bit. he was a Hulcogan wantabe with the blond hair and the handlebar mu-stash and the bad attitude to go with it.

one night Nathan hit black ice and put his truck in the ditch and ended up going to jail because of a bunch of guns that were in the back of his truck and my mom didn't think anything of it but shortly after we had a couple guys show up on bikes and give my mom 10 grand and we moved out to Kimberly BC where Nathan couldn't find us ...... well my mom got together with a guy named jack and he was cool as anything and we all got along but my mother kept talking to Nathan in jail and he would send things like drawings and wood models and things he found in the work camps he was sent too.

it was a couple years after we moved to the trailer court in Meadow brook that Nathan just showed up and beat up jack and sent him packing. and that's when it all started.. i would get into fights at school and go home just to get smacked around by him and of course he would just tell my mom "he got into a fight at school" which i did so she wouldn't believe me about him why would she??? i did nothing but try to break them up...

well it was OK for a few years but i had enough of the beatings and the abuse so i took a hatchet to Nathan in the middle of the night but the fucker woke up or wasn't even sleeping and caught me well that was the first time i got a belt.

Nathan went to my school first thing in the morning and told them what i had done and they got together with my mom and put me on Dexedrine a drug that calms children down and put me in a boot camp for anger management kids and that was 2 weeks out of every month for 2 years. my mom denies everything which i don't understand but it is what it is.... right

Christmas 1999 when Nintendo 64 first come out Nathan got me one and i was so excited about it and wanted to set it up on my own but i didn't know how the wires went. so i asked and he pushed me out of the way and did it for me so i snapped and he snapped tossed my mom threw a wall threw me down a flight of stairs and that was the end of Christmas for me ever since then...

My mother finally got the hint and realized what a piece of scum he was and got a divorce and he moved out... thank god... so shortly after that my moms sister came to stay with us from Calgary and she was just getting out of a rehab centre but i didn't care. Brenda was the best ever. i was 10 years old at the time and if i asked my mom for some weed she would say no and Brenda would rob her blind and give me everything. i miss her. the last time i seen her i was biking threw the platzal downtown kimbo and Brenda stepped out of the ozone pub and cloths lined me right off my bike. that night she went missing..... was found three days later in a six inch shallow grave burnt so bad they couldn't even recognize the body . she had a custom tattoo on her back of a rose and a dolphin that wasn't touched by flame, it took me a couple weeks to actually realize what was happening but when the C.S.I. guys showed up and told me she died in my place it really hit me.

I was supposed to die that day.....not her

my life's just bin fucked ever since

Nathan came to my mom the day and asked if he could take me fishing or take us out fishing and we both had a feeling that wasn't right and he got mad and tried to take me but my mom slammed the car door and took off. if it wasn't for my mother id be dead and if it wasn't for me Brenda would still be alive....