How complicated

Life can get complicated. From family you talk to, to family you don’t. How you were raised and everything in between. But I never thought about the story I would have to explain to my children one day. I have a son now, he is two months old. Everyday I think about how I will explain to him the story about how my side of the family, isn’t the family I was born from. How my life seemed to be out of a book. A story I never in a million years would’ve thought I’d tell more than just the people in my life.

My story is long and complicated, like I’ve stated before. I struggled for years getting over the fact that everything happened to me that did happen. How this is what I would have to explain to my children and how to figure out the best way possible to tell my son the worst parts but not in a manner that it affects me anymore. But how do you really tell your child something like that. You think it would be easy right.

Just start with “Im adopted. This is your family but not the family I was born from.” How easy can that be. But then you think. Children have so many questions and it can be complicated for children to understand any aspect of anything. You could just keep it from them right? Just make it seem like this is the family I was born from and everything is normal. But I already know one day it’ll slip or something will be said and what can you do once you lost your child’s trust.

He sees on his dads side how his dad looks just like his family and he knows that he was born from them. But then he looks to me and my side and how I don’t look much like my parents or extended family. How I have a crazy sister who I don’t talk too, so an aunt he will never know. Along with two other siblings that I was not raised with and have only known for a few years now, so another aunt and an uncle that it can feel like we are strangers sometimes.

How do you explain to your child that the people you came from did not want you. The person who was suppose to be your dad chose to just up and move and start a whole new family. The other who was supposed to be your mom is so invested in drugs and herself that you were put in danger at just a few months old. The process of starting a story like that just boggles my mind.

I want everything in me to tell my whole story. My whole truth, to the world. But how could I be ok with being known as the person who shares her whole life from birth and on. Some people will think it is too touchy of a subject to talk about. Some will think I just want attention for everything I’ve been through. Some won’t even care and lastly some will praise me for sharing my story. Everyone has an opinion and definitely will about me sharing such a personal story.

Maybe one day I will tell my full story. My full truth, from my point of view. But for now, I will keep it at this and let you guys hold on a little while longer. Specially with the thought of how I will tell my child when he’s a little older my whole life story leading up to when he was born and there on.