How Complicated

Chapter 1

She was born in 2002 but its 2020 and everything is going to pieces. Her life has been a mess since she was a little girl and now she wants everything to change. Her name is Ney and she's a 18 year old trying to change her life for the better.

Ney lived a simple childhood although it became a mess when she lost her best friend. She was 7 years old being a good straight A student, running around the playground at her elementary school. Until she saw the Pastor of her mothers church open the gate and walk onto the playground with such sadness. Ney ran over to him to give him a big hug and to say hi. He held Ney for about 10 minutes not wanting to let her go and wanting her to feel safe. Then her mother walks into the gate with tears running down eyes and hug Ney and tells her how much she loves her. She is so confused as to why everyone is sad.

"Mami, why are you sad?" Ney asks

"Nada mi niña vete buscar tu cosas no vamos." Her mom replied.

Ney ran to her cubby in the classroom and grabbed her things. She ran to the office to tell everyone bye and went back outside and hopped in the backseat of the pastors car. After a 10 minute drive to her house she notices that her street is filled with cars. They drove around the block two times waiting for a parking spot. Ney steps foot at her and her house is filled with people crying. Her grandmother is the first person to grab Ney and just hug her and never want to let go. Ney's uncle sat Ney down and told her to breathe.

"Tio que pasa?" Ney asked.

"Mi amor, te tengo que decir algo y a ti no te vas a gustar." He replied.

"Okay tio"

"Mi amor tu papi no estas aqui, el murio." My uncle said with a soft tone and tears in his eyes.

My face went pale and I was just in shock like complete shock. I ran outside to breathe, it felt like my lungs were filled with dust and everything around me was blurry. I couldn't comprehend that my best friend wasn't here with me anymore. All of a sudden I felt a set of arms wrap around me and just hold me. I continued to try and breathe but, I couldn't.

" I got you, just breathe. Slow them down a bit, feel the breeze in the air, feel how tight I'm holding, just focus. But I got you." My brother said with the softest voice.

I felt better after maybe an hour. For some weird reason I just couldn't cry I felt like a regular person. When I walked back into my house everyone looked at me and just hugged me. They all told me how much they love me and they will always be there if they need me. There were some people in my house that I didn't even know. I saw my mom in the kitchen throwing things and yelling at my aunt. I know it hit my mom really hard that she lost her lover, her best friend, her number one supporter. My aunt was trying to calm her down but she couldn't.

I walked into the kitchen to give my mom a hug. I could see the anger in her eyes when she tried to pull me away but I wasn't letting her go. I wanted her to know I'm here same way she's here for me. All of sudden I feel her body weight drop on my crippling legs and we both fall to the floor. I still havent let go and my aunt comes up to me and signals me it's safe for me to let go but I don't want to. My uncle comes into the kitchen to ask if I'm okay and I nod my head yes. My mother and I are in the kitchen for the rest of the day and I can see everyone moving around us but I'm so focused on holding my mom that I'm just numb.

The next day I get ready for school and my mom walks into my room tells me I'm not going to school for a while, so to put my uniform away. I go downstairs and on the dining table there is a big breakfast feast and I get so happy. I run down the steps and begin to examine the food.

"Mami why is there so much food on the table?"

"We have people coming over" My mom replied.

I get excited and sit on the couch with a cup of juice. I know I have to wait for my mom to give me my plate because she doesn't want me over eat or waste food at all. I hear the door open and it's my uncle and my cousin with my grandparents. I run over to them to give them big hugs. My uncles felt astonished because I didn't look sad or I didn't want to be alone. Honestly it was because I was still in shock and I didn't know how to deal or cope with what just happened.

My uncle wanted to treat my family by taking us out. My mom wasn't feeling it at all she just wanted to be in her bed under her covers and probably sleep. My uncle wasn't letting that happen. We got in the car and everything fell apart. It was bad, the car didn't work, my mother started crying and yelling, one of the tires popped. It was a hectic five minutes. We went back into the house and there was just silence.

A couple weeks past by and my family was getting ready for my dad's funeral. Most of my family traveled to New Jersey for the funeral. I saw one of my best friends, which was my cousin who I was 11 days older than her. My mother, brother, aunt, cousins, grandparents took up the first two rows. At the beginning of the service we were able to see my dad in the casket. I was standing behind my cousin dreading what I was about to see. One step, two steps, three steps and there I saw my hero, my best friend, my role model laying there with no breath in his lungs.

I sat down and I felt a tear roll down my eye. Then two seconds later, I felt everything that I couldn't feel before. The anger, the sadness, the guilt came rushing at me. I didn't know what to do. My mom held me in her arms and told me to play my cello after my uncle is done talking, my dad would love that. I didn't know if I could, I couldn't stop crying the tears just wouldn't stop and I became frustrated. A dear family friend came walking with my cello and set it down next to my dads casket. A funeral home worker brought out a chair.

The time came and I stood, I stood and looked around. All eyes were on me, so I took a deep breath and walked over to the chair. I sat down and grabbed my cello and tuned it. I played my dads favorite song "Carita de Inocente" by Prince Royce. He always sang that song when he was cooking, to my mom when she was tired and he wanted to life her spirits, and to me since I was his little angel. I began to play and all I felt were tears coming down my eyes, I tried to hold back and then I looked at him laying there and all the tears just came running down. I looked at my mom and she signaled me to breathe and keep going. After 3 minutes I finished, I looked at my dad and just let go. I threw myself on the floor and just kept crying. A dear family friend, Jason, came over and picked me up and took me to a back room. I sat in his lap like a baby and he cuddled me and told me it was okay.

We sat there for at least an hour and he just kept whispering to me in his deep calming voice, that everything is okay, to just let it all out. After I calmed down he sat in the front with me, I couldn't look at my dad, it hurt to much. My grandma came over to me and gave me some water and a blanket. She kissed me on my forehead and told me she loved me. After the service was over everyone said their last goodbye to my dad. While I sat all cuddled up on Jason's lap waiting for the line to go down. After everyone left, It was just Jason and I and my dad laying there in the casket. I walked up to the casket and screamed.

"WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY PAPI? PAPI HABLAME TE ESTOY HABLANDO! LEVÁNTATE TE QUIERO ABRAZAR! PAPIIIII! I screamed.

I fell to the ground and cried for a while. Jason came behind my little twig body and hugged me. He picked me up and carried me out to his car. We drove home in silence. We got to the house and he carried me in. All eyes turned onto us. Jason was about to put me down but, I didn't want him to. We sat on the couch and someone brought us food but, I didn't want to eat I just wanted to sit there. After a while I felt myself drift off into a deep sleep.