Heroic as Himself

Classy like Steve Martin. A comedian like Jerry Seinfeld. Versatile and talented like Tom Hanks. Handsome like George Clooney. Goofy like Jim Carrey. An artist like Paul Frees. Unstoppable like Jackie Chan. Humble like faith. Heroic as Himself.

My dad has always proclaimed his name and family to be haunted with a curse of struggle, trauma and brokenness that seems to never mend or end. However, I think my dad is cleared from the brokenness by his daily attempt to be better than he was yesterday. He goes beyond any expectation that is ever laid on him and the ones he places on himself.

Everyone has a story about their dad whether good or bad, but I feel unnecessarily lucky to have mine. I question myself often. Why me? There are so many deserving souls of a great dad and an exceptional male role model. What baffles me more than that, is how he became who he is today from the past that spun him into the present.

At just three years old his mother left him and his two older siblings. All I know of her is her first and last name. His father left shortly after to join the army. My dad and his siblings would stay with their mothers parents while his dad was away. The only time I ever saw my dad cry was when his grandfather was laid to rest. He has always considered her parents to be his true parental role models throughout childhood. When his father returned from the war, he gained full custody of my dad and his siblings. The stories of my father’s childhood with his dad have been the beholder of my baffles. To protect what he has left of his family bonds and to respect his love for them regardless of what he went through, I will refrain from those details. It is truly remarkable how he came out of his poor abusive life with limited role models and became a man of self-discipline, integrity, a faith follower, a devoted husband and father, and an exemplary citizen.

While I sit here and paint my dad as something colorful, he would humbly disagree. He would advise me that no one is perfect, including himself. Which to me, is the example we all need to live by. My dad has attempted to give me life more than a handful of times. He contributed in bringing me into the world, he rescued me from drowning at two years old, and donated his bone marrow to me twice and he continues to save me from every life threatening situation I naturally find myself in.

My dad has lived through more than anyone I know and yet he never shows pain or weakness, as I remarked on his tough childhood. He grew up, met my mom and failed the police academy exam 3 times. On the fourth attempt with success, my dad was on his way to protect and serve. My parents began to expand on their family. First a son, then me, and with twins on the way, life was trucking on by rather smoothly. It would be the birth of the twins when things really started to shift. My dad lost one of his twin son’s minutes after birth. Not even a few months went by after the burial when they learned I was terminally ill and would need chemo, radiation, and a bone marrow match. When my dad found out he was that match, he did not hesitate to offer. When my first bone marrow transplant failed, he didn’t hesitate to offer, again. During that time, while my mom did all the communication with the doctors, my dad was painting my nails, painting Minnie Mouse on my hospital window and singing “A Whole New World,” while I bathed in the tub, puking on the side and not due to his singing.

Coming home cancer and disease free a day before his birthday, I am sure, made him feel cleared of any more pain or trauma for a long time. One day, after I was able to get back into the routine of life and my dad was at work, he got a call over his radio that a boy of 11 years old was hit by a vehicle while riding his bike. My dad arrived to the scene to find my older brother in the back of an ambulance. Thankfully he only sustained moderate to severe leg injuries.

It would be 3 short years later that his wife and my mother who was 8 months pregnant with their 5th child would be involved in a near fatal car accident. Reality had stricken for him, yet again. He was convinced there was a curse on his name by this point. Both his wife and unborn child lived, but both of his wife’s hips were broken. She would be bed ridden in our living room for months. He would bathe her in bed and rotate her body so her and the baby would stay safe and healthy as she learned how to walk all over again.

Some things you see as a police officer are horrific, but my dad was living a nightmare every day of his life and I still wonder if he has ever had the chance to fully grieve the loss of his son in between what happened to me and my mother's car accident with my unborn sister. Time heals all and we would all begin to live our lives in what became a very normal life.

I would have sleep overs and my dad became my friend’s dad. It was truly a joy to see my friends laugh and giggle at all the jokes, games, morbid sarcasm and pure entertainment my dad provided. At one point I was sure that my friends only came around to hang out with my dad. He was a magnet for feeling safe and loved.

His love for us kids were parallel for his love of Halloween. Every year we had loads of kids come to our street for my dad's transformed haunted porch. He would have a cauldron of candy with fog leaking out of it and black tarps for the walls and floor. He would go as far as involving me and yard props. My dad was very theatrical for being a serious police officer.

He was so theatrical that there were several community plays that he was in. My dad and I acted in a 10-day sold out show of Wizard of Oz together and I will never forget that as a dancer who always performed on stage. Coming home late every night to pizza that mom had for us after each show are memories you could never erase. The man who saved my life more than once, was strongly a huge part of my life in not only saving it but being a part of it every day, as well.

There were several other memories of my dad that I had that represents his goofy character. One night, while I had friends over for a slumber party, we were all playing in my room and the light on my wall started to flicker. We didn’t worry about it too much. Lights flicker right before they burn out and it felt normal. Within seconds every light in the house turned off. It was night out and the house went pitch black. I convinced my friends to go downstairs and get my dad with me. After some pleading, we all huddled in a group down the stairs. We walked from room to room calling out my dad’s name. I will admit, I became worried as I was never left unattended by either of my parents. At that point we decided that would go back up to my room where we felt safer. As we approached the top of the stairs, there was a bathroom on our right and it was then that my dad had stuck out one of his Halloween skull props to scare all of us. I still laugh so much when I say that story and he does too.

Along with my dad's comical nature, there are so many talents that my dad has. He has sketch books of comics he would draw up before he got too busy with kids and work. He bought a 1968 Chevelle shell, restored it, and then sold it to send all his kids to catholic schools with that money. He took us camping, fishing and taught me all I needed to know to survive in this world. As I got older he showed me his love for carefully crafted drinks from his younger years of working in a bar. My dad has run in marathons, bikes long distances, can fix anything from my broken necklace to restoring a classical car. There is nothing he cannot do.

Dads are many things. They hold so much value and purpose besides protection. My dad instilled an appreciation for art within me. He encouraged me to never give up on God through trials. He taught me the importance of standing your ground to those who judge before getting to know you and he reminds me daily that everyone has a story, everyone deserves kindness and no one is perfect. He instilled in me that trying to be better than who you were yesterday is integrity to yourself and others. I have also learned through him that you cannot take life too seriously. It is important to laugh, have fun and be silly. No one has supported my dreams and the need to explore the world more than the man who has saved my life more than once.