Her-story

You wouldn't know it by looking at that photo, but that woman has climbed out of poverty, broken oppressive cultural norms, raised 3 daughters (two of which being twins) as a faithful military spouse, and survived divorce. I could probably write a book series about all of the lessons my mom has taught me, including those I've learned through her, but I don't think it could ever amount to how much they've added to my life. But while we're here, I'll try to name a few.

1. Never let the circumstances decide for you.

My mom grew up in El Paso, Texas in a low-income apartment with 4 sisters and parents who struggled with alcoholism and bouts of domestic abuse. She didn't get the best grades or wear the prettiest dresses, but she never let that nor a difficult home life stop her from going after what she wanted. She was on the varsity volleyball team for her high school, became the first girl in a local popping and locking crew, and had enough jobs to support her extracurriculars and put bread on the table at home. You cannot let the circumstances of your life decide for you, no matter how difficult they may seem. Never let anyone or anything decide for you.

2. There is a time and place for traditions, old and new.

For my mom, this meant that like her mom, the extended family would play an important role in raising the next generation. She'd been surrounded by aunts, uncles and cousins all her life and was expected to build off of the family around her. All of that went completely out the window when she decided to start a family with a man who would become a Marine just as they were about to have their first child. Shortly after he graduated from Marine Corps Recruiting Depot (MCRD), San Diego, my mom took her baby (my big sister) and moved to Twentynine Palms, California, where they would live for the next four years. When the time came to reenlist, he would get orders to Kaneohe Bay, Hawai'i for 3 years, this time bringing a five-year-old and three-month-old twins with them. If raising children out of state was not enough to challenge previous norms, taking them overseas would turn them upside down completely. From helping dad pack his gear for the next deployment to touring base housing before we moved into the next house, the Marine Corps came with it's own set of traditions, none of which we got to choose but made the most of nonetheless. We traded big family gatherings for smaller, more intimate celebrations together like ice cream after a winning game of t-ball and spontaneous trips to the beach. My mom was persistent in her efforts to raise her girls for the world as it is right now and as it would be as time moved forward, even if it meant leaving the comfort of the familiar way of doing things behind.

3. You are stronger than you think.

My dad deployed about nine times throughout his military career, two times we weren't sure if he was going to make it back. I didn't understand it when I was younger, but she had so much on her shoulders. A full time job, young children, including twins that could never sit still. She had to make school lunches, drop us off at day care, make a 45 minute commute to work, deal with patients all day, pay the bills, pick us up from daycare, help with homework if we had it, make dinner, get us prepped for bed, and hope at the end of the day, after wondering if he'd made it through the day, that she might hear from my dad sometime soon. I honestly don't know if I could do it if that were me, but growing through it and seeing her tireless work showed me that when push comes to shove, and you're in it for the long-haul, there isn't anything you can't do.

4. Forgiveness arrives at its own pace.

Whether its for you or for someone else, forgiveness is a process you have to choose to take part in, but once you do all there is left to do is surrender. You cannot change the past.

You cannot say the words that were left unsaid after the time to say them has passed.

You cannot change the direction your choices take you in.

When you feel down on your luck, abandoned, cold, alone, whatever it is that's the complete opposite of feeling like a sunset, all you can do is make peace with what is and forgive. My parents divorce was hard for reasons I probably don't have to drone on and on about for you to understand, but the most important thing I've been able to take away from it is the power of forgiveness. Forgiving yourself for mistakes you've made whether you're willing to admit them or not, and forgiving another for making you feel any amount of grey when you believed they'd forever fill your sky with nothing but all the pinks and oranges of a cotton candy sunset. Forgiveness will find you, you just have to allow it.

Like I said this is just a small sliver of the amazing lessons my mother has taught me; her strength and grace inspire me more than she will ever know. I love my #BossMom.