Help Me, I'm in Foster Care

As a person who has experienced many differing roles dealing with children that are "in the system," I have grown to lean and understand the frustrations that challenge the homes of foster and adoptive families alike. Many times we setup services to aid children in care; however, that family's entire unit is affected as well. The mom, dad, children, extended family, church, and even pets undergo life altering events. I am utilizing this book to tell their stories, their cries, their joys, their wishes, and their needs in the form of letters.

This book is a collection of letters written from differing perspectives of working with "children in care." It is common to hear the story of foster care from a foster child's perspective. I believe this is absolutely necessary. However, I also believe their are some key components left out. The story from those who help foster children need to be validated so that a full and accurate picture is painted. I hope this book helps the state, nation, and the world recognize a little better the true dynamics of our foster and adoptive families. If we are to truly have "the best interest of our children in mind," we must truly assist them in maintaining and improving the quality of life for these children but not at the expense of decreasing and or devaluing the quality of life for the caretakers involved.

I don't think that value comes from the monetary per diem provided by the state. I'm not declaring this as a fix it to all problems of the foster system. I am simply providing an aspect to consider as we strive to find clarity in the well-being of our kids.

Chapter 1 - A Letter From the Mother

Dear listener,

I don't know where to start. My entire life has been turned inside out. I don't sleep at all, and I have more responsibilities than I have ever encountered in my life. I don't you think you realize what is happening to me. Let me walk you through my day.

I get up at 5:00 AM, because I must have all of my kids ready for the bus by 6:30 AM. Now I don't just mean my biological kids, but I am also talking about the new foster kids in my home. You see a mom always includes everyone in the count but herself. I'd like to say that I told the kids to get up, and they did, however, that would definitely be the leave it to beaver's version of my story. No, I walked in and said, “Get up.” My oldest child, biological that is, woke up crying. I tried to talk to her about it but before I could get out the wrong in “What's wrong,” I heard a loud “F*** you B****!” across the Hall. Ignoring the fact that my daughter still needed me, I left her and ran across the Hall to redirect the problem. I walked in and asked, “What happened?”

“Jack pissed in the bed, and now I smell like him,” was John’s cry. Jack and John are our new foster kids. They've been here for about four months now.

“Just give me the sheets and take a shower John. Jack, you wait right here.”

I tried to talk to Jack, but he ran out of the room, up the hallway, and out of the house. I think I looked 30 minutes for that child before I found him behind a Bush outside. Suddenly the bus drove up. Instantly, I realized that I didn't finish talking to my daughter. I have no idea where Johnny is or what he has on, and Jack is still unprepared. “Come on Jack, it's OK!” My daughter raced out the door.

I told her, “We’ll talk this afternoon Hun!”

“Forget it Mother, I’m ok,” She yelled back.

As if that wasn't enough, my husband spared out the driveway for work period I'm sure he is upset because he says I never give him any time either. I looked back at Jack. He had a smirk on his face and said, “It looks like dad's angry again!”

I took Jack and John to school. The cell phone Rang at least five times every half hour period one call was Jack school telling me about his suspension because of a fight the other day. Another call was his caseworker telling me that as a foster parent, I needed to have him at his family visit by four. They continued on like this. Calls continued seemingly on the hour period I argued with my husband on every break he had, and my daughter shut herself up refusing to talk to me when she got home. When I discipline the children, my husband says I'm too harsh, especially with Jack. He says, I should just lay off. Naturally, Jack smiles about all of those arguments. Jack really needs a spanking, especially after spitting on me and kicking my ankle, he knows that's out of the question.

“I'll tell if you touch me.”

Now of course you know this means I go ahead and spank him hoping he does tail. Maybe they will move him an in this nightmare. I don't have the heart to put him out myself, but this could be a way. Crazy thing is that doesn't work either. He never tails, and I am still frustrated. Looks like it's back to the drawing board. Between cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, and being at everyone's beckoning call, I am a step from insane.

“Isn't that all mothers?” you say.

“No!”

All mothers don't clean up pee every morning from the 13 year old period they don't get 5 calls a day from the teacher, principle, caseworker, probation officer, and extended family to complain about the many wrongdoings committed by her children. My husband wants to leave because he feels neglected . My body hurts from the constant kicks and hits; My eyes hurt from the lack of sleep, and my head hurts from the continued exposure to it! If I cry it out, I'm being too emotional period if I close it up, I need help. I don't feel much these days. I used to look forward to vacation period now it's just a countdown to when I return to hail. My resting stops are juvenile court, the psychologist office, mental health, defects, the grocery store, and the school. I'm tired, broken, and misunderstood. I quit.

Always,

An Abused Mother