He Tried To Kill My Mother

At 42 years old I've decided to not be so quiet anymore. I've lived a life riddled with trauma from birth forward. I've had a YouTube channel for a few years with no aspirations of becoming a "YouTuber" or even a polished novice. More often than not, I discourse, entertain, contemplate and do interviews with no make-up, no ring lights, and in my pajamas. I'm real. I'm authentic and I have zero desire to be polished. What you see is what you get. However, there is always more than meets the eye. Am I right? I am a fairly well-adjusted, divorced, middle-aged, and currently overweight woman. I live in the Bible belt of the south in a state called, Tennessee. Been here all my life. A daughter of Appalachian pioneer women and a mother who has since the age of fourteen been addicted to narcotics and nerve pills. She was unable to raise me because of this. Her own voids led her down a path of what I can only believe was one of trying to find validation for the magic that is her. My super practical grandparents definitely had an indigo child on their hands with her. There was no avoiding the wildness that came along with her soul. A wild river runs through her. And just like all wild rivers they are both beautiful and devastating. I'm thankful to be in a place of retrospect where I've stepped more fully into my own magic. Magic I inherited from her. If not for the inner work I've done I wouldn't have the capacity to behold her beauty or even interact with her. I wish you could know her. See her. She is tiny. She stands at all of about five feet tall. Very dainty. How she has defended herself and survived the brutality of frequent domestic violence is a miracle. Her frame is delicate. Her smile exudes the obvious...that she is a shrine. Her journey is one that has circled the earth for millennia. She is no stranger to this realm. She is not a greenhorn. To me my mother embodies all of the feminine warriors we celebrate. She is Boudica. Her battle cry is feral and misunderstood. But, I promise you this. The echo of it has been found in me. Because of her fortitude runs in my blood. Alchemy is my essence. Resilience is the air that I breathe. And I bring the cause of the warrior woman into the consciousness of the collective. But, if you lived with me, worked with me, you would also see I've had a long history of panic disorder, generalized anxiety, sleep disorder and migraine. But, I'm still out here in this world moving my body through familiar and exotic areas. It's a miracle I think. My body. My mind. Heck, your body and mind!

Did you know that our subconscious mind is more powerful than our conscious mind? Also did you know that 95% of our behavior, opinions and perceptions issue forth from our subconscious? Know what that means? Our conscious awareness makes up about 5% of our understanding about ourselves and the world around us.

So, recently I have felt nudged. Nudged to begin sharing my life story of resilience. I have walked the path from trauma to triumph. And in this new arena I realize it's only the beginning. This place of triumph is like a new home that has just been finished being built for me to move into. There's a lot of space here! Space that demands me to take it up. Space that is calling to be expanded into. Space with new custom furniture beckoning and insisting that I come relax upon it and and begin to "feel...what it feels like....to have both space and quality support."

So in this video I am sharing from my metaphorical new house. From my larger space as I've personally expanded. To share my story. To encourage you. To connect with you! Because I want to know your story as well. I will be adding more in the future. So I hope you'll be inspired!