Growing Up

Let me tell you about growing up. It ain't always easy, it ain't always hard.

There are times when you wanna hide under a floor, or a rock, whichev. It’s not always sweet-smelling strawberries, and it’s not always complicated cactus.

Sometimes everything is peachy, the day is bright, you got your shit together! Yippie! It feels great, don’t it?

Other times, it’s a ‘one-of-those-days’ where you’re dragging pounds of potatoes uphill. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles, ain’t it?

And one day, you do your normal day, your usual 'tine; you know, the one that allows you to sit lazing around, reading a book or whatev, without feeling guilty. You know that feeling, don’t you?

And bam! It’ll happen to you on that one day, it won’t happen again, but that day, you’ll have an event that's just blah, but it's a cherished memory later.

You realize as you live it that it will be a story worth telling, sweet and funny at the same time … but oh, so embarrassing! So excruciatingly embarrassing! No one can embarrass you like your mom can! And she makes a habit of it, don’t she?

Here’s the deal. You know you love her anyway, and she loves you back. She’s just mischievously helpful. You know this ‘cuz it’s not the first time that she does something sweet in the most embarrassing way. You remember, don’t you?

On your thirteenth birthday, she took hours to bake a HUGE cake, brought it to your school dance, and made the whole school sing ‘Happy Birthday' to you. You must remember that … who could forget?

Here's the thing. The what that happened that won't happen again, but it did that one time.

You went to the supermarket the other day. You needed a few things. I mean, you eat and use shit, right? So, you gotta replace it! So, you go to the supermarket nearest your house ‘cuz you’re lazy and you can carry what you need back home easily. You know how it is. Don't tell me you don't.

You make a list, write it up as you drink coffee, and go through the fridge and cupboards… what do I need? But, when you get to the supermarket, you soon see you don’t got your list. You left it where you wrote it. You'll make do, I mean ... you wrote it, you remember it. But you got a nagging feeling that you will regret not having it.

You’re too lazy to go home and get it, so you just get on with it. I need this and that, and oh no, I forgot that ingredient. Gotta go back where I already was. I remember mom’s lists always so organized, and she tol' me how to do it. It’s good advice, you know it is, don’t you? So, you add it to the skills you need to use the next time you come shopping.

You get to the aisle where there are so many bottles of different colors, sizes, and shapes; all of them selling the same thing and using the same words. BEST EVER. MOST POWERFUL. DEEP CLEAN. OMG! How come you hadn’t noticed this before? How come?

What a nightmare, you know it is, ‘cuz they're all the same, but they're all different. You’re there and you need to do laundry, so, you gotta choose one. And you do. The cheapest ‘cuz, you know, you don’t got that much cash! This shit is expensive, ain’t it?

Suddenly, you hear your name, loudly, thundering from the rafters above your head. The building is talking to you, and it’s using mom’s voice!

Nooooooo! Please, no, please, don't be mom. You know that's what's goin' on in your head, don't you? You hear you thinking and your mom talking.

How could you forget today was mom’s day in the office upstairs? And here she is, embarrassing you yet again. Just one more time! But you know that you will tell the story and people will laugh. And if you ain’t worth a laugh, you ain’t worth much, ain’t you?

She helps you choose the right bottle for your needs, counting out the milliliters versus the pennies on the intercom. She’s good at those sorts of things. She’s a bookkeeper and a mom, ain’t she?

It's great that she loves you so much, but she just gave a shopping lesson to everyone in the store! 'Cuz of you. You know that ain't cool, don't you?

So, you skulk your way to the cash register, knowing she’s watching everything you bought, and you think, I must remember her schedule.

I ain’t NEVER coming here when she is working again. You know you think that, don’t you?

‘Cuz I sure did when it happened to me!