Growin Pains

My mother had me at 22 my bio dad was 27, I'm not 100% sure since I barely knew him. I was born August of '94 to a mother who loved me all of her heart and a father who was battling demons that they knew were there; but he didn't want to admit to them being there. My mom stuck by him for a long time putting up with all of his problems I know she loved him and was trying to keep our family together, but in the end, it got to be too much. My dad ended up choosing his addictions over her and me. She called my Grandma and Grandpa packed all my stuff up and left with only her clothes, leaving everything else behind. She was strong enough to make the choice she did to try to give me a better life.

Fast forward two years and in July of '96 my baby brother was born, his dad's a dead beat wanted nothing to do with him or her once she was pregnant. My brother and I used to fight over everything and anything but that's what siblings do. Mom was a saint for putting up with us. She lived with the terrible duo, we fought against each other and we fought together really well. Nobody was allowed to pick on my brother except for me and vice versa.

Fast forward to June 2000 and my youngest brother is born his dad actually stuck around and that's who he lives or lived with now, I'm really unsure on that since he hasn't talked to the family in a few years. He has a step-sister and a step-mom so I think he just doesn't connect with my other brother and I anymore. I mean there's the age gap between us (6 for me) (4 for my brother). My mom raised primarily on her own but when my grandparents were still here we sometimes lived with them, and they were great some of my happiest memories were made in their house. I would also spend every other holiday and 2 weeks in the summer with my dad's family and they were great as well but they didn't like my mom and made that known very well.

I met my dad when I was 12 for the first time and that's when I saw the reality, my mother, was trying to hide from me. I moved in with his side of the family in November of '05, I was having issues in school and anger problems out of it. He didn't care, he didn't try to stay in touch he never sent child support all he cared about was his next fix. He lied and stole his entire life and continued to do it even with me around. I loved my dad though, no matter how much you want to hate the absentee parent you can't because they're still your parent. I finally told him when I was 15 to either get clean or get out of my life for good, I couldn't handle him being in and out of it any more never knowing if the next the phone rang it'd be an officer or the hospital somewhere telling me my dad was dead.

He got clean and was diagnosed with schizophrenia, immediately put on meds. He was also diagnosed with sleep apnea. My dad was constantly sick after he got clean, I moved back in with my mom and her then-boyfriend now-husband in 2010, 3 months later my dad died from a pulmonary embolism. It broke me...for the longest time because he is my dad and to this day it still hurts to think of him but I know he's at peace.

It's now 2020 and I'm turning 26 in a few days and I look back at all these memories that I have with my mom and remember the good the bad and the worst times, I have to admit that I admire her for what she's done to prepare us kids for the real world my brothers a dad and I'm still trying to figure out who I'm going to be in this world and I have to say I'm excited about the possibilities.

So yes Growing up sucks, we want to hide under the bed sometimes but we need to remember that we're still here.