Grieving During the Holidays is Hard AF

I lost both my parents in 2019. Within three months of each other gaining their angel wings, me, and only me was left. With grief overshadowing, I became unsure how to navigate the world and within my social circles. To this day, I am not sure how I made it this far. Grief is an isolating and one of the most physical and emotional feats anyone will face.

Grieving during the holidays is hard AF. It’s like you want to feel joyous and full of Christmas spirit but, you also want to crawl onto the couch and binge watch your favorite show while eating ice cream. It is definitely something that is contemplated multiple times throughout the day.

This will be my second Christmas without my parents and I’ve noticed a deeper ache in my heart around this time of year. A constant ache in my heart, reminding me of what is missing and different in my life. The anticipation of Thanksgiving was so overwhelming that I barely left the house and stained my pillows with my salty tears, longing for a “normal” Thanksgiving. I gave myself permission and the space to feel any and all feelings, which was super scary. I spent most of the day, imagining past holidays, looking at old pictures and videos- reliving those good times. In retrospect, I cannot believe the 2018 holidays would end up being the last I spent with my family.

Being an only child doesn’t help either. I don’t have any siblings to help carry on traditions and share memories. It’s just me trying to keep the details straight in my own mind, hoping that I don’t forget them one day.

2020 is a year of overwhelming loss. From loved ones lives to financial security, our entire sense of normalcy has shifted. The discomfort that’s being felt collectively, is grief. I want you to remember that grief and the holiday season can coexist. I wanted to share ways could possibly make the holiday season gentler and a little more bearable:

Give yourself permission to feel all your feelings- whether that’s sadness, anger, resentment or joy. Lean into whatever you are feeling. Don’t run away from those emotions. It’s a scary and uncomfortable experience but work the work

Check-in with yourself and practice self-care- if you do nothing else, make sure you are meeting your daily needs. Rest when necessary.

Honor and celebrate your loved ones- blend new and old traditions to acknowledge your loved one’s life and your healing journey. This Christmas I was surprised with customized ornaments that honored my parents in such a holiday-spirited way. Matching Christmas pajamas have been a tradition in my family since I can remember. My boyfriend surprised me and continued the tradition.

Plan something else to do- do something else, plan a trip, get outside or do whatever feels good to you. (I literally sat on the couch on Thanksgiving and binge watched ‘A Million Little Things’ until it got dark again outside. It felt good to not be around people, pretending to feel something I wasn’t. There were too many expectations, so I avoided all that stress)

It's OK to say, NO- even if you already made plans, or told someone you were going to stop by. It is ok to cancel last minute and change your mind. Communicate with people so they aren’t worried

Please take care of yourself this holiday season by practicing self-care (at least) once a day. Prioritize yourself and your health. Hoping this season is filled with community that understands and supports you in however you decide to spend it

@orphan_ish (IG)