Grief and acceptance

Recently, I celebrated another year around the sun and was so excited in a way ..... and wondering what 47 would bring. My heartbeats were thriving but yet I did have some trepidations about growing older (lol).

One day while discussing family with one of my paternal cousins, I made the comment that it seemed as though we had a million of them (slight exaggeration.. both my paternal grandparents came from big families).

Life went on as normally with me checking in on my family post on their social media , as we all do. Then day it seemed as though I was hearing about loss left and right.... first one cousin passing away and then we find out that another cousin has passed.

Our collective hearts as a family were stunned and still in shock but as we slowly process each passing and begin to lay them to rest. I was left with one question as to why..... why were they taken so young ( younger than me). I am still in that stage of grief and I know I am not alone.

I started writing this on the day of the second cousin's funeral ..... with the thinking that i know she is now in heaven with her grandma ( my great aunt) and my grandma and also knowing that someday I will see them all once again.

Today,while on a phone call with one of my first cousins I started reflecting on how life is short and that we should make the most of it. Tears were shed in between small bouts of laughter from the shared stories about our cousin.

It's been a few days since that phone call and I am still processing the loss but reconnecting with family has helped. Honestly, sometimes its hard accepting the fact that children will pass before their parents. Unfortunately, this happens and it hurts to see.

its been a few weeks since i have actually worked on this because i have been dealing with issues regarding family and then even more recently with health issues.

The grief of losing family is still there and the upcoming holidays are not helping because this gives us time to think about all those who we are missing.

I am doing what i can to help with my grief by remembering all of those that are gone and sharing their stories because grief doesn't go away quickly but is more like something that slowly melds into the background coming forwards at times causing tears to flow and pain to break over you like new.

grrr.... having to pause right here because i am writing with a sore arm...

*edit its now Jan 4 2025 and arm is still in pain *

The holidays were tough. The past several months have really made me think about how i process loss and also how we grieve during family oriented things. My cousins birthday was yesterday .... its the first that we ave had to celebrate without her. As the year progresses, I am sure that there will be more losses within my extended family.

I tell my heartbeats that they need to make sure that they are always there for each other as they grow older because mommy won't always be here. (lol my youngest says i am not going anywhere without him).... love him.

I am finally ending this with the knowledge that it is not up to us when our time is up. That is up to the Almighty. The only thing i can do is make sure that the time i do have is spent creating memories and being a light for others.

Grief and Acceptance is something we all have to go through at our own pace and timing...... and I am going through both.