Gratefulness

The thing I’m most grateful for is my family. My mother is fighting for her life with cancer , my sister is recovering from a stroke, my aunt is healing from a surgery and my grandmother has made it through another hard year of life.

I’ve been through a rough patch in my life and that is nothing I would want for anyone to experience. The things I went through had made me stronger and very over protective with my kids. I also suffer with PTSD, anxiety and depression. Besides what I suffer with I’m still grateful for life and seeing another day, minute, second and hour that it has to offer.

Looking at my mother fighting for life make me realize material things doesn’t matter but the life you live and how you treat people is. Things momma used to try to tell me before I never understood and thought she was just being hard on me. When I realize that all she told me was to prepare me for life and the hardships that I will encounter as I got older.

My mother worked so hard to provide for us so we wouldn’t have to work just as hard as she did, but being a child all you know is what you was lacking in or what love you wasn’t receiving. You don’t think what momma has to go through to make sure you eat, dress and stay healthy. All you want to know is why she’s never around, why she works too much, or why we can’t never do anything.

That was my thinking as I was coming up and I felt like I was being punished for being older and always had to look out for my younger siblings while momma was working. Learned how to cook at age six, learned how to work for what I want at age 12 and learned how to drive at age 16. Through it all I also learn you can’t trust everyone in your family and family is the ones sometimes that will hurt you most.

I was forced to grow up fast, learn everything I could to survive and get by the best way I could. I’m not going to say I didn’t need anyone because that was far from the truth. I needed them more for support, direction and love. The saying is keep your friends close but your enemies closer and that is also a true statement. Many things was told to me when I was coming up, things you should never tell your child. It was told to me I will never amount to nothing, I’m unstable, I will never finish anything. You want to know what I done , I’ve prove them wrong on so many levels I went back to school and get my GED, then went to college and earned my associates degree in medical billing and coding , received a certificate for best poetry and now going back to college to receive my bachelors in Criminal Justice.

All that negative I turned into positive things for myself. I was even told by Doctors I would never have children and the year after the doctors told me that I found out I was gonna be a mommy. My pregnancy was high risk and my baby was born a preemie but she’s here.

My baby was born with amniotic syndrome and it caused her to loose 4 toes on her left foot and have bands around her legs for life. Therapist told me she would never walk and I thought to myself, no way my baby will walk and run no matter what they say. A few months passed by and when they returned to see my baby girl she was walking and her therapist couldn’t say anything but wow. I looked at her and responded, oh you seemed surprised. She looked at me and said yes ma’am I am cause in my field we have never seen a case like this. I kindly said to her ma’am you shouldn’t be in a field like this if you always looking to deliver bad news and always expect the worst in a situation. I explained to her when you think positive things happen positive and when you speak negative you put the negative things on yourself.

Many people came in and out of my life because if I see you want to see the negative in me instead of the positive you had to go. I’m a person that always try to find good in people despite on what I went through in life. I don’t want to believe that they have evil people that want to hurt others or find enjoyment in hurting others. I know it’s possible and I may never understand why people do what they do but I’m no judge. I will never pass judgment amongs anyone and will always try to help everyone before trying to hurt them.

So as you reading I hope you see why I say that I’m so grateful for life and all that I’ve been through because I’ve learned you have to appreciate what you have before you lose it. Meaning the people in your life may not have been perfect and has made many mistakes towards you, but you have to forgive and love them still while they’re here because it might be to late for you to tell them you forgive them and spend time with them. Call them just to let them know you thinking about them and you love them. Make the first move because they might not but you have to be the bigger person to put all that hate aside and love your loved ones while they are here.

I’m grateful for my children, I’m grateful for my mother, grandmother, sisters and brother, niece and nephews, aunts and uncles I’m grateful for life itself. I’m alive , I’m breathing, I’m walking, I can see and hear so if you cannot be grateful for anything else be grateful for the small things that let you make it through the day.

I’m happy as I need to be and very grateful. Along with my happiness came out baby Reeses he’s our happiness when we’re sad and our comfort when we need love and to feel hope we love him so much. Since he came into our life he turn our frowns into smiles, our tears into joy we love you big baby.