Good Freakin Grief

I play it in my head over and over of how you died. Your car crashing into a pole at a certain speed. You swerved, lost control, and rolled over five or so times. You lost control not paying much attention and hit a tree. The last one I found out to be true. Why did you decide to leave so early? I am at a loss of words as to how you made this decision to leave. Unless you didn’t. I am so upset and angry with you. How could you do this, how could you leave us like that? You had so much potential and you decided to through it away like the evening garbage. It’s not fair you did this. It’s not fair for our family. I am still in disbelief that this even happened. I am still shocked and think this is a nightmare that one day I’ll wake up from. Then I’ll call you and everything will be at ease when you answer the phone. It's like you're still here breathing… The whole world stopped at that moment when I heard the words you didn't make it. Let's take a step back.

Weeks beforehand, my friend and I decided to reserve a camping spot. This whole quarantine both got us a whirlwind of boredom. The weekend finally hit and my stuff all packed in my tiny suv. My mate and I traveled to our favorite town and set up a tent. Then I bought the poles down to fish the nearby lake a perfect start to a wonderful weekend. Fishing was plentiful; my mate and I got ourselves 10 fish kept three for dinner. We went to fry them and then the wind picked up and we saw the flying fish come to life. Which made us run into our car and ate dinner there. My padre join our band of misfits where we shared stories and laughing at the fact I was a weird child. We slept well that night knowing that tomorrow was another great adventure.

The sun rose upon us as my mate and I stretched in the early morning dew. The last day of camping had reached us and it was the dreaded packing making us moan. We ate and packed up to go into town one last time. My padre joined us for some lunch and ice cream. Plus we became bargain hunters in the shops that had expensive trinkets. We then became tiered and bid farewell to the town and my dad and went off our merry way home. I started to get a little drowsy on our drive so I stopped at a station for coffee. It perked my spirits up and grabbed the wheel once more with my mate fast asleep. We went into the dead zone as our music played. Then a ding. My phone had a voicemail with my mom's frantic voice echoing; " I need you to call me I just received some very bad news please call me." I nudged my mate saying I need to pull over to see what the matter was. Pulling my car gently over, I pushed call back on the phone.

" Hey, are you pulled over." my mom asked

" Yeah what is going on?"

" I got a call from Danielle, Lindsay got into a car accident and didn't make it."

All that came out of my mouth were screams, followed by tears and my hands pounding the wheel. My cousin is dead.

To be continued...

Rest In Peace Lindsay Lebeau

Born March 24, 1991- Died June 14, 2020