Gone is Goodwill

Paulie was trying on clothes at Goodwill, her one escape from her life as a struggling college graduate. She dawned large floppy hats and ethereal white dresses, savoring every outdated piece of high fashion she got her hands on. She liked to imagine what they would have once looked like hanging on the rack in their high end stores. Immersed in character she asked an imaginary fitting room attendant for a smaller size, and if the wrinkles would steam out. She chuckled, not expecting any answer when there came a pounding that rattled the door and every joint connecting the walls of her four by four dressing room.

“Come on out Paulie before I close the register.”

“Sorry, Wanda I’m rushing I swear,” Paula called back even though Wanda had walked away before she reached the end of her sentence.

She took one long last look at herself in the clothing from Goodwill she couldn’t afford. She threw on her bespoken clothing, took her indulgences off the hook, and carefully hung them on the discard rack.

“Have a good night Wanda,” Paulie said as she brushed past the register.

“Be safe out there,” Wanda always said.

Paulie turned just in time to see her bus at the stop. She dashed straight through an intersection and called out to the bus driver who pretended not to hear her. It pulled away. Defeated, she took a seat at the bus stop. There was a text from her Dad on her phone. She opened it.

“Grandma Janey passed away, you were closest with her right? I think you should go up there, meet the lawyer, I’m too tied up with work.“

She was stunned silent till her bus came.

~~~

Grandma Janey had two sons, and Uncle Bruce was the eldest. Paulie wasn’t sure where he lived, but she suspected it wasn’t far. There he was standing in the doorway of her estate with what had to be the lawyer.

“Pleasure meeting you Miss Paula,” the lawyer spoke first.

“Please, Paulie is fine. I’d say the same but I don’t think it would be true,” Janey said, politely.

They insisted on giving her a tour though she’d been there before. They pointed out all remaining “assets” although there wasn’t much left. They had sold off most of her finery. Furniture was bought by estate sale hunters and clothing was donated. A few elements remained; the color of the walls, the marble bar top where they ate ice cream sundaes, all things she knew she couldn’t bring with her.

The lawyer drew her into the master bedroom and hurried to check the closet for something. This room looked the most eerily similar to her memories. She sat on the bench at the edge of the bed, one she used to hide under as a kid. She’d sneak in and wait until she was certain Grandma Janey wasn’t expecting her and pop out snarling and gnashing imaginary fangs. Paulie could tell she wasn’t really scared, but she’d play along every time.

“Monster, someone help!” Janey would say with a feigned scream, placing her hands on either side of her shocked expression.

Paulie didn’t notice she was halfway under the bed until the lawyer came out of the closet,

“There’s not much-Oh my, I say, dear girl do you need a hand with something?”

The lawyer managed to startle Paulie so much she lurched upwards,

“No, no, sorry, I was just,” Paulie started but didn’t finish.

She had loosened the bench away from the bed, and something fell out from between the two, a small book, in matte black.

“Just looking for this! What a coincidence it’s still-uh, here!” She laughed nervously and tried to fling the book about in her hands, fumbling and nearly dropping it.

“Remarkable,” he said, not a hint of interest in his voice.

“I do hope it manages to suffice, the only thing left in this closet is this small scrap, my sincerest apologies, had I known,”

She raised a hand, halfway reaching for the piece, and halfway stopping his explanation before it started. It was a large suede coat with no label. It was green, but might have been brown at one point. She didn’t recognize it at all.

“Right, shall we rejoin your Uncle downstairs to discuss the rest,” he asked, turning to leave.

~~~

“There is little more to be done, your Uncle Mr. Bruce requested the process be quick. The liquidity of her assets were readily accounted for, she was responsible enough to arrange for a direct transfer to avoid any complications with the Trust. Your share has already been taxed and cleared, and will be reflected in your statements before the week--”

“Uncle Bruce, what does he mean? I’m only here to sign off on my father’s share aren’t I,” Paulie interrupted.

The men exchanged a glance, and the lawyer piped in when the pause started to draw out.

“Your father is listed as a non-benefactor, this amendment was filed years ago.” Confused, she waited for a translation.

“She requested it all go to you, darling.Your father was aware of this, yes?”

Uncle Bruce shifted in his chair but said nothing.

“He hadn’t mentioned,” Paulie heard herself respond, but her mind was lost in thoughts.

~~~

She shut the door of her hotel room and exhaled. She was still clutching the suede jacket in her arms. She hugged it so tight she thought a pressed juice might squeeze out of the sleeve. She felt the corner of something, the book.

She’d nearly forgotten it, but now it was a welcome distraction. Even though she was alone she checked over her shoulder before perusing the pages.

“Dearest Philip. I’ve decided not another day shall pass that I live a life devoid of your memory. My youngest, Bill, finally has a daughter of his own! She’s the bright little spot of hope that I needed. Also a necessary reminder that I am a very very old woman. I read her our favorite, Peter Pan. You and I were so taken with stories of Neverland, plotting adventures and treasure hunts, it seems old habits die hard!

When Paulina gets old enough to request more bedtime stories, I’d like to have my own to share with her. Stories of adventure, like the ones we use to dream of having together.

For now, I’ll share my plans with you my love, in this, my Long overdue Bucket List”

~~~

Paulie woke from an uncomfortable nap, her head and arms drooped off the bed. Her heart jumped in her throat when she remembered what she had fallen asleep reading. She found the book hiding under the bed, Grandma Janey’s Bucket List. Suddenly she felt woefully uninformed. Who was Philip? She was certain that wasn’t her grandfather’s name. It was four AM, but luckily her father was an early riser.

“Hi Dad.. He was fine... well, young, I guess...Silver but I suspect it’s dyed that way…

Just call him yourself, he’s Your brother!

Listen- Did Grandma Janey ever have a boyfriend abroad?

You’re not sure? Care to explain why you’re cut out of her will?!

Oh No! That’s not even why I called actually! I found a book and dad? Dad?”

Paulie laughed, just imagining the phone call. She settled on a text instead. “Dad, you knew and didn’t tell me?

She knew she’d regret that later and even went to draft an apology text but what was the point in talking to him, she thought. There was plenty he hadn’t told her.

The little black book sat on the table. It looked soft and velvety to the touch. She picked it up, and thumbed it open.

“First Stop, and while I’m young, Vegas! I have no luck at all, but still I’d like to celebrate my wins or losses with a large feast and friends.

Nextly I’d like to visit Yellowstone. I should hope to find a Redwood tree large enough for me to walk about inside.

I hope to take the Mississippi River all the way from Louisville to New Orleans to see the alligators up close!

I’d like to climb the treehouses of the Easton Lodge Gardens in Dunmow, I’ll have my morning tea with the early birds and bluejays.

Then I’d like to swim in the salt baths of Jebralter, and float without treading water. I understand that there won’t be any real mermaids there, but I intend to sit upon the salt crystals and act like one.

And to top it all off, I shall jump from the highest mast of a half sunken ship in the Carribean. Heights do terrify me, and I heard pirates are less of a forgotten fantasy than people like to think”

Paulie was taken in with every word, she hadn’t imagined Grandma Janey to be such a thrill seeker. She took a break to google whether or not there were pirates in the Caribbean. There were. There was a half sunken ship too.

She was researching the Mississippi and discovered the signature dish in New Orleans was Alligator gumbo. She had no idea they could be eaten.

She felt overwhelmed with questions. Paulie only knew the Janey that lived for her two sons, who was this? Why hadn’t she taken any of these trips? Why was her father left out of her will?

Her Uncle was staying in the same hotel, the concierge told her what room. She knocked on his door and prepared her best I-demand-answers-face. Unfortunately Bruce took his time answering the door, giving Paulie enough time to get nervous again.

“Pauline, is something wrong? Your cheeks look a tad florid,” he said.

The question and the fact that he still got her name wrong was enough to give Paulie her courage back.

“Do you know why my Dad was left out of Janey’s will,” she posed. Bruce feigned a shocked expression.

“Well, I assure you I don’t know, my mother did everything for her children, always sacrificing for us, perhaps she just knew he’d crack on without it,” he said and then added

“Or maybe she knew he might be as ungrateful as you,” and with that comment, slammed the door. Paulie wondered if this is what her dad felt like earlier.

She wandered back to her room, contemplating the possibility that she was being ungrateful. Last week she couldn’t afford clothes at Goodwill, and this morning a quarter million dollars was transferred to her bank account. She winced as the guilty feeling in her stomach swelled. Janey was a woman with endless generosity in her heart, and Paulie never even asked her for the stories she wanted to tell. They had all but lost contact since she and her Dad had moved away.

Feeling defeated and on the verge of rage or tears, she pulled the little black book out of the coat pocket, raised it above her head and shook it, “What do I do, I’m too late” she cried out to the ceiling. A loose paper came fluttering out of the little book.

"Dearest Paulina,

I lived life the way all good women of my age should. I raised my boys, leading them to the lives I knew they could live. Seeing you in your fathers arms, I know now why it was worth it. If you’re reading this, my days of waiting for men to return to me from their wild endeavors, must be over. Philip was sent away very young, a bright eyed boy with large ambitions, cut down in the war, like so many. He gave me his suede coat the day he left. I promised him then what you will promise me now. Live, Paulina, live for only yourself and those who can no longer. You’ll be a woman in a new world. That world is not mine, it’s yours. Now that you have the means,

Go explore it for me would you? And don’t forget to write.

Love,

Janey