Give them Hell

My sister recently called my Mum fierce and I loved that: I think it just about sums her up. She is most definitely fierce when you’re on the wrong side of her, when the angry finger is aloft and a piece of her mind is being given freely…

But she’s also fiercely loyal, fiercely protective and fiercely proud of her family too. And essentially kind. She’s always there to talk to and always on our side.

Here are the life lessons she’s taught me, in no particular order:

1. Talk to people: anybody, everybody. In the street, on the tube, in cafes, in the toilets. It makes life interesting and connects you to the world. And it’ll effectively annoy your kids.

2. Eating out is a pleasure: have pudding.

3. Stick up for people: in public arguments, fights, check people are ok. Call out inequalities, unfairness and bullying (especially effective looking tough in tracksuit and stilletos when the mean girls were picking on my sister at a party) “Give them hell”

4. Interrupt men: don’t wait your turn, you’ll be there all day.

5. Talk loudly too: and swear.

6. And laugh: everything is easier with humour, even if it’s black, including illness, failure, dementia and death.

7. Earn your own money: and don’t be ashamed to spend it: on yourself, on others, on decent wine, on trips. Experiences are worth more than things. And “it’s only money”.

8. Work hard: come on, crack on, get on with it, put the hours in. Then have time off.

9. Confront problems head on: “let’s have it out”; don’t avoid arguments, air bad feeling, get it out of the way.

10. Grab opportunities: just do it, have a go, what have you got to lose?

11. There’s no shame in struggling mentally; everybody hurts, we all have dark days. Look after yourself properly, rest, have a bath, go to the doctors, talk to people.

12. And run. Exercise is the key and solution to many things. It works. And then you can also eat cake.

13. Singing when drunk is one of life’s joys; no matter how bad it sounds to other people. Especially Patsy Cline’s ‘Crazy’.

14. Ditto dancing

15. Everybody fucks up: shrug your shoulders, laugh about it, try again

16. It’s essential to tell the people you love that you love them; and to tell your kids you’re proud of them. It matters. And pat yourself on the back when you’ve done well too.

17. Music is life; don’t be afraid to get lost in it and let it make you cry.

18. Help homeless people: it doesn’t matter what they spend the money on that you give them. Don’t judge, there but for the grace of God…

19. Respect young people: they’ve got a lot to say if you listen. And know more than they’re given credit for.

20. Laugh

21. Make things: it’s fun, it’s an expression of how you see the world, it quietens your mind

22. Have a glass of wine

23. Wear lipstick: and matching knickers and bra

24. Accept presents and compliments graciously: don’t try and refuse or deflect, just say “thank you”.

25. “Front of house skills” are very useful: they go far at trade fairs, exhibitions, meetings. Talk, perform, sell. But then be quiet and have 5 minutes peace

26. Read: anything, everything, whenever you can

27. Put milk in a jug; and biscuits on a plate when people come round for coffee

28. Dogs will always love you: and they make you leave the house

29. Be yourself: you’re amazing. They’d be lucky to have you…

30. Hug: whoever and whenever you can