German Chocolate Cake

The moment. Do you know the moment when your husband and family started to dislike each other? I do. It was after our engagement and my parents decided to have a "talk" with us. It was a talk, not a conversation, about how my husband would never be good enough for me. He didn't make as much money as me and I would end up barefoot with a baby on my hip. I stood up for my then future husband and sided with him, much to my parent's dismay. It was a huge act of defile against them. That was the moment the line was drawn between my parents and us.

The next "moment", was when we had our son. We wanted to do things "our way" and my mother, having four children herself, saw things differently. Thinking she was helpful and insightful, my mother provided advice to my husband about how to do something with our baby. I was upstairs and didn't hear the conversation, but I knew there was a tiff. It didn't go over well. My mother left the next day.

Throughout the years, there has been difficult moments, tough conversations, awkward silences and situations, side-ways glances, and whispers of discontent. I don't like confrontation, my husband and mother seem drawn to it. I don't yell back in an argument unless I am very angry. I never deal with anything and try to sweep things under the wrong. If we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist, right? I have put myself in the middle of a relationship that is spoiled. I straddle the fence constantly. Always playing to both sides of the argument. Trying to stay on the favor of both sides. Wearing myself down by "taking it" from everyone involved. Saying things to my mother that I shouldn't say but in hopes to win her approval or at least provide some empathy. Always saying things about my mother to my husband that I shouldn't say but do because I need to vent, as I keep things inside when in a discussion or argument. I have painted bad pictures of both to each. The one thing my mother and husband both have in common is their opinion of each other through things I have said. It's awful. I am not a good person at times. While silently thinking how the heck and why the heck I like to torture myself, am an expert of tiptoeing now. Always walking on eggshells.

The final moment? We were at my parent's house for a "vacation". I try to be the good daughter and go to their house on our vacation time. I want them to see their grandchild and have a relationship with him. I want to have a relationship with them. Earlier that day, we went to a cake house and purchased a German Chocolate Cake. A favorite chocolate cake for both my husband and my father. Something they both agree on. That night during dinner, my husband and mother ended up getting into another disagreement. It was awful. The bear was poked and roared. Things were said that I am not sure will ever be fixable. After a while and no resolution, my mother got up from the table, flustered and furious. I didn't think she was coming back but instead, she went to the kitchen and served the cake for dessert. The delicious German Chocolate Cake. Still no one was talking, everything was muted and in an state of uncertainty so we all dug into our slice of German Chocolate cake. The delicious coconut icing, the creamy chocolate middle. I don't know how our family drama ends up, but at least we all agree on a slice of chocolate cake.