Forever Changed

Lost, broken, and confused sat a girl in her freshmen class at a private Catholic high school. She pondered on what had brought her to this point of taking her own life. Was it the girls who always made fun of her, because she was not good enough for society? Was it because she could not live up to her so-called father’s standards? Or was it something that had been nagging at her heart for the past five years? Something that tore her down every day and would never let her be herself.

This is where it ends.

She went home that day to a dad who had emotionally beaten her down. He interrogated her, he lied to her, and told her she was worthless. Her self-esteem was not on the radar anymore. Instead, she was close to giving up. She went upstairs when no one was around and opened a drawer to find an old bottle of pills. This is it, she thought to herself, all you have to do is take the pills and all this will go away. Then, she thought about her mother, brother, and step-dad who all cared about her and believed in her. So she pressed on and went to her room. Two days went by and she went to see her mom on the weekend and when Sunday came she had to go back to that dreadful house that her dad lived in.

Suddenly, she heard a knock at the door; two people showed up from Child Protection Services and started asking her and her mother questions. She felt confused, but hopeful that her life might change for the best. That night was strenuous and long as she journeyed with her beloved mother to a behavioral center to see if she was still suicidal. She was not suicidal because she was with her mom, but felt she might become suicidal if placed with her dad again. By midnight they made it home safely and began to wonder what would happen next. She did not attend school for the next two days because her father did not give her any of her uniforms to wear.

A Surprise Along the Way

When she went back to school she felt relieved but there was still fear in her life. Her eyes were timid as she sat in class. She lived each day wondering what would happen next until one day no one came to pick her up from school. She texted her mom but got no response. That’s when she went to a room to wait and found CPS come in the room with her. She couldn’t process, couldn’t think clearly, and couldn’t even see their faces because of the tears dripping down her face. Her heart shattered, her mind racing at the fact that she would be placed in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. Reality wouldn’t set in for the next 24 hours. She was in shock and utter disappointment. All she wanted was to see her encouraging mother for guidance.

She sat in the DCS office room while they scrambled to find her a fitting foster home, away from all the drama. They made several calls and finally found a home. In the meantime, her mother came to the office and handed her daughter a bunch of her clothes and necessities. They cried but could not visit long; it was a very quick embrace that they made. The girl didn’t know that she wouldn’t see her mother for the next two weeks.

New and Unfamilar

The girl got in the car and rode with the two DCS workers to an unfamiliar home. All she could think about on the way there was are they truly nice people, and will they be old or young, will they have kids or any experience at all. She also wondered if they would think she was a trouble maker because that is often how people view children in foster care. They finally arrived to their destination it was out in the country away from all the city area and peaceful. She tried to get the tears off of her face but more kept coming. She still couldn’t figure out the reality of what was going on.

'Settling in'

She went to the door with the two women and was kindly greeted by a family. There were lots of people there at the time and at first it felt overwhelming for the girl. But then, she began to settle in and feel alright. She sat down in the kitchen and watched as the family made dinner and tried to clear her mind and talk to the foster parents. They were very welcoming and said if there’s every anything you want to talk about we’re more than happy to listen. She had so much going through her head she wanted to talk but had no idea where to begin. She just tried to live out a normal evening and then went to sleep with her eyes wide open, wondering about her future.