For The Child Who Doesn't Know I Am His Mum.

I know we have been through a lot of trauma,

And I wish that I could turn back time,

The journey has been a painful one,

Inside this mind of mine,

I spent my years drowning in pain,

Pain that I never asked for;

Pain that I did not deserve,

My fight to heal continues,

Though I still think about you with love,

Every single day,

You were the most beautiful flower,

Blooming in my garden,

The healing elixir in my painful heart,

I hope you continue shining,

Like the brightest star that you are,

They say that every road has sharp corners,

And there are many difficult hills that we have

to navigate;

We take baby steps,

Crawl before we walk,

And walk before we run,

But,

When we reach the top it's beautiful.

There were many people, who hurt me,

Those people ruined my mind,

Tore it apart, like I meant nothing;

People like me have permanent scars,

Scars that never fully heal,

Scars that others can't see,

They took you from me because those scars

never closed,

And my mind was still full of torment,

Still,

That doesn't mean I can't feel love,

And,

I want you to know that I still think of you

with fondness,

I still look back at those photos

Those memories we made,

With love,

With tears in my eyes.

They say that a photograph is just a memory,

Though, in my mind, they mean more;

They are happy times,

Healthy blueprints in my brain,

They make me keep on fighting,

Help me stay strong, even when I want to break.

People tell me that a Mother's love is forever,

No matter how far away from their child they are,

And though we see each other never,

You can be sure of the love in my heart.

I was writing letters,

And, I'm sorry that I stopped;

My stepdad passed away shortly after you were taken,

And I didn't know what to say to you,

They tell me that grief passes,

But I am still grieving to this day,

It feels like a double grief,

Because really;

I've been grieving since they took you away.

However;

Just as every loving Mother would want for their child,

I hope that you grow strong,

I heard you're into the same music,

And that you listen to my favorite band,

I've been told you even sing their songs;

You see I do read those letters,

But I didn't get them for a long time as the

team who sent them lost them,

And, they have only just been found.

This is for the child who doesn't know,

I am his Mum;

I dream about you every night,

I still hear your young voice all around our

house,

And yes;

I am still in that same house,

And I am still married to your birth father,

Life may have broken,

But some bonds are too strong to be shattered,

We talk about you all of the time,

With tears in our hearts,

And in our eyes;

But we pray every night,

That someone will see through these selfish deeds,

Because we didn't deserve to have you taken away because

we were unwell,

Sadly,

There isn't a lot of help in this world,

And when we speak the truth about our pain,

They turn it into a lie,

They see us as bad parents even though the pictures show

memories of a different kind;

We long to have you in our lives again,

To heal with you,

From this pain,

But we keep hope in our minds,

That you are safe, loved, secure,

And that you have everything that you need,

To grow into the beautiful, loving, achieving

man that we know you can be,

For the child who doesn't know I am his mum,

We know you have another mummy and daddy now,

And we are proud of them;

Proud of them for loving you at a time of trauma,

And,

Proud of them for bringing you up with the morals

and values that you deserve to learn,

We know that a glimmer of light shines through this storm,

And in our hearts;

We will be reunited one day,

And we have nothing but pride for your other parents,

Because we know that parenting is tough,

So;

We do not close this poem with hate,

We close it with a heartfelt thank you,

And lots of love and joy,

For the child who is following his big dreams and

aspirations,

On his mission to become the talented young man that we

have always known he was always supposed to be.