Fly Like an Eagle

Hi! First, I would like to thank you for reading my story, it means a lot to me. Where do I even begin... I guess August of 2017.

August 2017: My birthday is August 28th. My dad called me the day after and wanted me to celebrate - cookout and swim in the pool. (Side note: My parents divorced shortly after I graduated high school, and I have a brother who is 2 years younger than me.)

I get over there and I just know something is off. My dad isn’t engaged and isn’t happy- this isn’t normal. Then he told us to sit down because we needed to talk. My mind jumped to conclusions. “Dang, what did I do now?” and “Oh no... someone died....” I was wrong.

My dad sat down next to us and began to tear up. I might have seen my father cry twice in my life (I’m now 25, was then 22). He finally said that he didn’t know any other way to tell us, but then to just say it. My heart dropped to my stomach. He began to tell my brother and I that he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

I never expected it to be that bad. He had a lot of pain in his midsection for a while and went to the doctor - they believe it started in his liver and spread from there. Of course I started crying, “What are we going to do? How can we fix this?”

Dad said there’s nothing they can do and the doctor told him to get his affairs in order. I was devastated. I never imagined my dad dying. He used to be a bodybuilder. He held titles for Mr. Illinois, Mr. Midwest, and was invited to compete in Mr. Universe. (Yes, you read that right!) He always worked hard, exercised, and ate healthy. Why was this happening to him?

Everything started happening really fast... I literally watched him deteriorate. My dad wasn’t going to get any treatment, just spend the time he had left with us and family. My brother and I really stepped up and once he really was struggling. Within 3 weeks he went from a cane, to a walker, to wheelchair, to bed ridden.

He was on heavy pain relievers and medications to help ease pain. We had a nurse coming in once a day to help, but once my dad couldn’t do things on his own, my brother and I were there to be the strength that he no longer had. It was so hard to put on a happy face, but I had to for him.

Eventually our living room replicated a hospice care room. We had a bed brought in because it was too hard for him to go up and down stairs, he had an oxygen machine, and eventually had to have a catheter put in, it was just too hard for him to get out of bed.

I was barely sleeping, staying up to watch him, make sure he’s breathing. He would wake up often in pain and need medication.

On saturday, September 25th, 2017, it became impossible for us to care for him ourselves. We made the joint decision to have him taken to a hospice facility. My brother, my dad's girlfriend, and I stayed in the room with him all day and night. He was dozing off in and out of sleep and really struggling to breath. When he would try to talk to us, it was really hard to understand what he was saying.

I couldn’t sleep. I sat next to him.

It was almost morning and he woke up and asked me where Virgil (his brother who preceded him in death)was.

I was confused, but he repeated the question and so I told him that it’s ok, he just left and will be back in the morning.

My father passed away at 7 am that Sunday morning, September 26th, 2017… leaving a hole in my heart forever.

My brother and I went to the funeral home the next day to plan a service for him. My dad always had a thing for eagles. I found it kind of strange, but he had a painting in our house of flying eagles and wore a big gold eagle charm on a necklace.... a necklace I now wear every single day.

Towards the end of the meeting, I was feeling anxious and went outside for some air. I sat on the ground by my dad's truck crying.... out of nowhere a big swooshing sound startled me. I looked up and it was an eagle that flew so close to me!

I couldn’t breathe and of course whipped out my phone to record it! I managed to catch this on video. The eagle circled the area and another eagle joined it and then they flew away. I know that it was my father. I told our friends and family about this incredible experience (you can see the picture here!)

The last 3 years have been hard. I always thought my dad would be here to walk me down the aisle, see my bloom and meet his future grandkids. Now, he lives on through my motivation, which I have because of him. I, also, added this little tattoo on my wrist to remind me he loves me and to choose happy. (It’s a replica of his signature on my last birthday card.)

Thanks for your time. Thank you for reading my story. Everyday, you make the choice to either be happy or to be sad, my dad would tell me (and you), and he chose happiness. Now, I do too.