Finding the Truth

The very last door I opened was the bathroom, and what I had found once that door was opened, I couldn't believe. My mother was standing there with a small , short metal pipe in her hand and she had a lighter up to it. She was smoking something... I was around 15 years old and I had just walked in on my mother smoking crack/cocaine. The look on her face surprised me. It wasn't so much a look of guilt or shame. The expression on her face read was cool, calm, and relaxed. I can guarantee you that the look on my face was merely shock , disappointment, and humiliation. In that moment everything had changed . My whole life had turned upside down inside out, and my heart had been ripped from my chest. I was rendered speechless. the thoughts in my head were infinite. I thought about everything in that moment. I thought about the life we used to have, so happy and full of love. I thought about the future. What was going to happen to us, all of us, my sisters, my parents, all of the needs and wants of a typical, American family. How was this going to work. Is this a dream? Just basically, what is this going to do to my family, our family. After we had constant eye contact for around a minute or so, (which felt like a lifetime) , there was a small break in the silence when she had finally decided to let out a justifying plea. But I walked away unsure of what I was going to say. I don't think that I even got to the end of the hallway when she yelled "Malinda, come here". I dreaded every minute of that walk, down that long narrow hallway and into the bathroom. Once I had entered the room she told me to sit down on the toilet, and so I did. She initiated a conversation about what I had just seen. The thing is, this wasn't the conversation I was expecting. What happened next still haunts me to this day. She told me that I had walked in on her smoking crack. But also asked me if I wanted to try it myself. I looked at her in shock. All I was thinking is, this had to be a trick she just wants to see if I'm going to say yes and if I do, I'm going to get into a whole mess of trouble. So I replied "Mom are you serious? You are really asking me if I want to smoke drugs with you"? I didn't understand how this was just okay to her, like it was just another day nothing out of the ordinary . My stomach was in knots and my head was still racing, but I finally mustered up the words to ask why she was wanting me to do this with her, and if it would hurt me if I decided to go thru with it. Then with a chuckle in her voice she said" no its not going to hurt you". Then she continued to explain to me that she wanted me to do this with her for the firs time, so that if anything were to happen to me I would be right there with her. Not with some friends or random people. I was going to be safe her with her. Then she proceeded to admit that her and my dad had been doing this for a while . Ever since my step siblings were taken from my father. Mom told me that what had happened with my siblings had really taken a toll on Dad. She said he was up for hours every night, crying so hard that he couldn't sleep. He had lost the drive that he once had. She told me that the days were becoming unbearable for him, losing his other kids cut like a knife. So he had talked to a friend that knew what he was going thru, and could tell that he was hurting. This so-called friend had introduced my dad to crack/cocaine. The first time he used it started the beginning of my families demise, and loss of any and all hope for an extremely bright future that we all carried the potential of having. Now everything started to make since. This is why we never see them anymore. This is why dads never home and moms locking herself in her bedroom all day. This is the reason the vacations stopped and family time was a thing of the past. So what now? How long will this last? When will we have our parents back? What does the future hold? Is there any way that a 15 year old girl can come up with a solution to a problem this big? Will my family survive this nightmare?