Family Ties

I wake up every morning trying to catch my thoughts; ever wanted to remember a dream but couldn’t? Waking up and keeping a vibrational frequency aligned to my desires can feel like remembering a dream. My last thoughts always seem to be the first ones I wake up to. As usual, for me, it's work-related. My schedule is packed, it’s how I like it. Every day I’m working on a better version of myself. Balancing self-love and being selfless.

I can get pulled in so many directions that I consider myself a starfish. My desires get mixed with wants and needs, my eyes bulge bigger than what I can actually hold. I can fall into a scatter but I hang onto my composure. I organize my task by setting up time blocks, thirty minutes time blocks. I’ve gotten better. Every four hours ,I give myself a “break” which means ,I’m still working on task while cooking or using the restroom.

My time is split between recording music, taking care of the family T-shirt business, keeping a social media presence, setting up photoshoots, networking, graphic designing, designing clothes ,and sewing, 3D designing, building a website for all of my business endeavors, and oh yeah ,working a remote job making calls during a pandemic. So many hats to wear, I inhale.

By now, you know that I aim high for the stars, reminding myself perfection doesn’t exist and at times ,I have to settle for my best. I believe in myself ,which is why I take on so much. The time flies and I’m able to keep a log. Distractions come tempting my attention, I dare not stare or to give in, for distraction to me ,is a double edge sword.

Why? It's because I love them so much. I tend to overthink a lot. I’m always split between giving time to what I need to get done for myself, and what I need to do for my family.

What motivates and gets me going every day is my mother’s sheer happiness and my self growth.

Being a new business owner is an adventure for all of us. I went to college for appeal design, studied graphic design in high school, and worked fashion production jobs, and internships in New York City.

My mother at the youthful age of forty-five , lets her impatientness get the best of her and at times can’t comprehend “all this energy and frequency mumbo-jumbo mess” I spill onto her. I know it goes in one ear ,and out the other. I can’t judge her, I just keep my distance. Some of it may leave a trail in her membrane; She asks questions; but who’s to say she retains when she yells around the house. Don’t get me wrong ,it's not for no reason , she’s a single mother dealing with her own upbringing hangups. Raising two daughters ,twelve and six years old, while not having a mother or father figure to look up to herself is no small feat, I give it to her every day.

At times it hurts , when she thinks of my intelligence as superior to hers but I wouldn’t let it stop me from sharing. I see it as normal to do research and look into your own psyche and find your own understanding as to why things happen and ,are the way they are. I look at knowledge as power not saying my mother doesn’t. I just know practice makes perfect. And as she said, “she a work in progress”. It can really put a strain on any working relationship . I’m grateful unconditional love lives in my heart bestowed upon my mother. Bless her soul.

It brings me delight to give my knowledge to my family in any kind of way.

Seeing our struggles and come ups gives me a reason and reminds me ,that all of this too shall pass with diligence and perseverance .

I grew up faster than I had to. I was in survival mode for the majority of my life. So when I say my family fuels me ,I mean it. I use our story and the lessons it brought to help me overcome many challenges. I’m happy my sisters grew up differently from me. They weren't homeless, didn't grow up in dysfunction, or violence. For that, we both can learn from each other. Being back home after 3 years of self-exploration and living on my own in New York City has taught me a good amount. The pandemic has certainly brought my family closer.

I’m 22 years old, running after time eager to re-design my life. I Pause. I have to ask myself “What am I running from or to ?” And in that moment gratitude is what I give myself to. I’m thankful for so much. Having to remind myself that ,has been a task in itself. So ,what do I do to help me exhale? When the air I’ve inhaled gets hot? I make time for myself that’s aside from my wants and desires and zero in on myself.

To be exact ,my mental health. Talking to someone on the phone or meeting up with close friends can keep me grounded. When no one is able to be there ,I comfort myself. Making time to give me space before I’m stuck in a jam. It’s important to prepare before the dance to my loony tune. So I quiet the work area, light a CBD incent and give myself 10-20 mins of just meditation after I’ve risen.

I stretch, work out, and drink water. On this marathon of life, I’m only running with myself ,at times ,I catch myself looking at someone else’s sprint. Cross country sure has taught me that the time you take to look at someone else, the slightest thought you give can weigh you down, no one else. In all honesty that has been a lesson, I’m still learning today.

Through stress and breakdowns, my recent copacetic lifestyle was obtained. Giving in to sleep deprivation no longer causes me meltdowns . I’ve found peace in knowing I give my every living being to the people that’ll benefit it. Me and My Family.