Family Shouldn't Have to Come First

Humans are social animals, and have been from the start. So, it's only natural that our society is built on interacting with each other. However, part of our social nature includes tribalism. We form cliques. We are afraid to leave established groups in favor of new people. We are afraid to leave our families even if it means sacrificing our mental or physical health.

I love my family. I identify as LGBT, and I am extremely lucky to have an accepting family who is always willing to learn about who I am. But, having a family like that is a result of pure luck. Anybody who has even interacted with the LGBT+ community knows that there are far too many stories out there of families physically, mentally, sometimes sexually abusing their children due to their identity.

It doesn't have to be identity, either. Toxic parents, stepparents, grandparents, etc. are all too common. This causes mental illness, trauma, and other lifelong effects. According to NIH, in a 2017 study, 87% of children admitted to a psychiatric ward had poor family structures, including physical abuse (36% of cases) and/or parents with mental illness (71%). This means that harmful family environments can cause harm of all sorts to children to the point of admittance.

From the worse cases I've seen, be it online or in real life, especially in adolescence, many of them are dismissed by phrases such as, "they're your parents, they love you," or "give them time, they'll come around." I've even caught myself saying that to friends on occasion. It comes to the point that sometimes, there is no helping an abusive environment besides waiting until a child turns 18, in which they will leave the second they're able.

Even then, after one's leaving from a toxic environment, one can still receive shame for not talking to their family. "They're your family, don't you love them?" "That's disrespectful to not talk to the people who raised you." Why? Some of the worst cases of family abuse are excused by many because they're family. To me, this isn't right. If you're in a healthy family environment, be glad. Appreciate that love and carry it with you, even during altercations you may have with them. But, if you're looking for excuses not to come home because you don't want to deal with your parents, siblings, etc., that's fine. The only thing your family has done for you is given you a roof over your head and, hopefully, food to eat. That's the bare minimum. If your family puts in the bare minimum toward raising you, they shouldn't expect more than the bare minimum out of you.

Family shouldn't have to come first to those who's families mistreat them.