Family Members at the Movies

The movie theatres are finally open again! Hoorah! Sounds like the perfect opportunity for a family outing! A summer blockbuster movie along with some extra buttery popcorn sounds like a fun, relaxing, family event! Right? Wrong.

It's been too long and you've forgotten that every family member has an MTP: Movie Theatre Personality. Every individual has a specific way they like to watch a movie, and that usually clashes with the other family members. If you can relate to the following personalities, then I hope you share this with your family and you can all laugh about it together. (This was created based off my family and I find it has been relatable to a lot of families).

1. The Question-Asker

They can't wait 5 seconds to find the answer to their question from the movie. No, they have to ask the person sitting next to them and therefore, interrupt everyone's movie watching experience.

"Who is she?" they ask.

"You'll find out if only you watch." we all think.

"Is she bad?" they ask.

"Again. You'll find out if you only watch." we all continue to think.

They are nervous so they continue to ask questions until the end of the movie or until someone shhhhhs them. Which brings me to my next personality.

2. The "Shhhhh" er

They are the "silence or else..." person. Someone sneezed? Shh. Someone opened a bag of candy? Shhhh. Someone dare ask a question? SHHHHH.

They can't enjoy the movie without complete silence. In fact, they would only accomplish that goal if they went to the movies alone, but they still want to be around people. They want everyone to watch the movie together, but in complete silence.

Ironically, their "shhh"ing oftentimes ends up being the loudest noise in the theatre crowd. They'll never admit that. They like to blame all the noise on this next person:

3. The Snack Attack

Somehow their chewing sounds like it's on surround sound and their plastic candy back is a constant crinkle in the background. It's so loud and persistent, it's become part of the movie soundtrack. Usually they're nervous about the movie plot, so they keep snacking to keep themselves distracted.

4. The Predictor

I'm especially understanding of this one because it's ME! This is the person that will predict the ending of the movie after the first five minutes. They'll tell you who's a secret agent, who's going to die, who's going to fall in love, and why the random journal shown at the beginning of the movie will connect to the plot twist. The plot is a game and we predictors love winning.

But let me make this clear, we are not always right. 50% of the time, I am wrong, but that doesn't stop me from pivoting and re-predicting. Half of the fun of movie-going is guessing it before the writers reveal it. Predictors are the Question-Asker's worst nightmare, because instead of answering their questions, we create new questions to possible scenarios.

5. The Sleeper

This person can fall asleep in any movie (and not just the boring ones). You know the type: "Let's watch a movie! I won't fall asleep this time!" they promise. But, five minutes into the movie, they are asleep. They will wake up at random parts of the movie and ask questions that they would easily know the answer to if they had only been AWAKE. There are even Unicorn Sleepers (the ones who sleep throughout the entire movie and still somehow, at the end know exactly what happened)!

6. The Texter

What's that random light shining in your peripheral vision? It's not the movie. What's that random clicking sound you hear? Again, that's not the movie. It is the family member who cannot be separated from their phone for the length of a movie, and therefore needs to text or scroll. Oftentimes, they grab their phone during a stressful part of the movie. It is their coping mechanism. But they always have the audacity to ask, "What’s going on?" in the movie after they've been distracted on their phone.

7. The Pauser

This person is so used to pausing at home, to get up and get a snack, to go to the bathroom, or simply to take a break from the stressful action of the movie, that in the theatre, they still ask the movie to be paused. At home, they frequently pause the movie either to ask everyone what they think, clean up the kitchen, get ready for bed, go pee, or for an emotional break. This person is my mom, which brings me to my next MTP.

8. The Parent

"Close your eyes or else we are leaving this movie!"

I'm not sure if everyone can relate to this, but I think a lot of us can. It takes us right back to our childhood, or even worse, it's still happening in our adulthood!

Imagine this: you’re 12 and feeling extra cool because you're family went to a PG-13 or R movie (depending on your family). A scene starts to get heated or violent and suddenly a hand comes out of nowhere, covering your eyes. My mom could have been 10 rows away and her hand would always somehow reach my eyes.

Usually a parent's constant "CLOSE YOUR EYES" command gets shhhhh'd by a random audience member, which only embarrasses the kid more and makes the parent even more indignant.

As annoying as some Movie Theatre Personalities might be to other personalities, we need them all because well...they're family! They create the memories and make moviegoing so much more of an event.

I love my artistic moviegoing experiences (where I go to the movies alone and fully immerse myself in the experience of the film), but I'd rather experience it with my family — including almost being kicked out multiple times because my grandma and mom would talk too loud — any day. Those moments are what make life exciting and adventurous — like in a movie!

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