Family Is Not Mom, Dad And 2.5 Children

Taking a family photo can be difficult. It has to happen at a family gathering and these two photo's were taken when my youngest brother died in March of 2021. My children and their cousins got together for a picture. And several other family photos were taken.

My mother talked about her sisters kids like they were her kids too. She was always interested, we spent time with them growing up. We knew all of our cousins, like siblings. Occasionally we would have a cousin live with us. It was common. My cousins that lived with us, became brothers and sisters, even if it was just for a short time.

Family is important to my husband also. It is important to me that he is a family guy. He is a great grandfather and he gets along so well with all of our children, the 25 grandchildren, and the 9 great grands too! It is hard to get everyone in a family picture as there were at least 3 others missing in this picture, that were in the house that day. It is also difficult to get everyone looking at the camera at the same time. We were visiting one of the oldest sons.

My sister Carrie died from Leukemia in 2010, and she had 2 children, a boy and a girl and 7 grandchildren. Her children are my children. Years ago when I was trying to explain being socialized Native American, I told someone that we have a large extended family. They said they do too. I said, maybe I can explain it better this way.

When my daughter graduated from high school, my sister bought the food for the party. My husband and I did not have money problems, but my sister considered my daughter as hers and she was proud of her graduating and wanted to do that. Was it announced. No. That is just the way we were taught about family growing up. You do what you can for family and the richest members are the ones that give the most, not the ones that have the most.

When my sister was dying, and our daughter was living in Alaska, she asked her to move back to Minnesota. She didn't make it back in time for her death, but she did move back. She has 8 children, a yours, mine and ours family that they have both accepted as theirs!

My brother Tim died from covid this last year. He has 4 daughters and a grandson. My brothers and I will pick up some of Tim's parenting responsibilities with his girls. Staying in touch, attending celebrations, sending Christmas and birthday greetings. When I already have such a large family, it is tough sometimes to stay on track with everyone, but I somehow make it work. My daughter (niece) in New Mexico that is a single mother of 2 teen boys gets a care package every quarter to help out.

I often thought of how it used to be in the days before foster care and adoption. There was still foster care and adoption. That was a normal part of my growing up. Family was adopted and fostered all of the time, there just was no legal document. When we move away from family, we adopt a grandma for our kids and aunties and uncles too.

My children remember taking Kitty to her hair salon appointments and spending celebrations with us and having mom go with her to Arizona in the Winter and Ely in the summer. She was their adopted grandma. Not formal, just practical.

I watched one of the Westerns the other day and the people on that wagon train, wanted to each take one boy of four, when their parents were killed. I don't understand how people can even think like that and yet it happens all of the time with our families!

When families split children up temporarily, that is how it may have to be for a short time. When social services does this for short term or long term, it is just plain wrong. It is bad enough they have lost their parents, but to lose their siblings also. How does anyone recover from that much loss?