Family Insanity

I know part one was probably pretty dull for everyone, but not every beginning is exciting or starts off with a bang. Sometimes it takes a bit for it to grow and slowly take its form. Well as we continued growing up, we noticed the small things. Every time we went to my aunt's house (her house was 7 houses down the street from ours) we always saw my grandmother giving gifts to our cousins. It hurt but we never complained to her. We just watched in silence. Sounds small, right? But it continues on. We slowly notice the favoritism over the years towards my cousins and how me and my brother were often ignored by them. It was even more difficult since they usually were in charge of watching us while our mother was busy with work. It got worse, especially for me because one day I get the call from my father that he is having another daughter. I didn't think much of it then until he called less and less. It was hard for me, since daughters depend on their father to always be there for them and are what we see as an example for future relationships with men. What made it worse was how my family reacted. Here is where the mental abuse begins. My aunt and grandmother told me how my father didn't want me and how my mother trapped him with being pregnant with me. They said that I was a mistake and that he wished I wasn't born. Hearing that hurt and felt true when he wasn't calling or answering. Every time I struggled in life, whether it was having trouble with school or having trouble at home with my mom, their words continued to ring in my head.

When my mom got remarried and moved to Colorado with our new step-father things got worse with our family back in New Mexico. My mom was pregnant when they got married (no worries it wasn't a trap). They decided to go on a week to two week long honey moon. His sons stayed with his ex-wife and my mom had her family watch me and my brother in New Mexico. During this time it was horrifying and took years before we told our mother everything that happened and why we were so different afterwards. And just to give a little background info on my brother. He was struggling at the time with peeing in the bed, even though he was nearly ten years old. My mother has tried different tactics with no success. My family tried suggesting different tactics that were cruel and only caused fear in my brother, which I believe made matters worse. And yes, sadly my mother took their advise on the matter. It was torture for me to watch and I could see even the pain in my mother's eyes when she did it. They recommended making him take ice cold baths and spanking him as punishment for peeing the bed. It was horrible. Luckily when she married to our step-father it stopped, especially when she realized the pain and fear she caused. But what else do you expect when she is practically begging for approval from her mother and sister.

Fast forwarding back to the weeks of staying with our family in New Mexico. And yes, my brother was still peeing the bed during this time. So while the parents were enjoying their honeymoon we were stuck in hell. Every night my brother had an accident. He was really having a hard time with bladder control at night. My grandmother decided to take matters into her hands and deal with him the way my family thought it had to be handled. The following night after the accident she made him take an ice cold shower (not a quick one either) and once he was done she made him go to the middle room and would spank him using a plastic spoon (I believe it was 10 hits). Each night I had watched him exit the bathroom shivering in his towel and terrified of the upcoming torture. I remember he would come to me crying and asking when was mom coming back for us. It was hard because I couldn't help him, unless I wanted to get smacked as well. We couldn't tell her over the phone because anytime we talked to her our family watched us like hawks. Finally our parents came back and got us. It wasn't until we left that we kind of told them what happened. In turn, our step-father spent thousands on a program to help my brother with his nightly issue. Thank god it worked! It was a special pad he had under him that when it started to wet would set off an alarm to wake him and he would go to the bathroom. I was happy he finally got the positive help he needed. But sadly had to endure the torture my family felt was reasonable.

Another sad part is how we still had to interact with our family in New Mexico, even after the fact. Our aunt played dumb with our mother when it was brought up, acting like she had no idea what was happening. Even though you could here his screams within the house. This was probably one of the worst moments in our childhood with them. I wish there was something I could have done to save him.