F is for Family

Hello, it has been a while. I do not know whether it is appropriate to tell my story, so it isn't easy to begin. I have by no means been through significant trauma, just life. If any story should be shared is that of my Mum, that's what should provoke sincere sympathy.

Mum is the kind of person who keeps going despite the emotional turmoil in her wake. My 8 month older, sister and before you ask, yes, this is possible we are living proof. She is naive, kind, and loves anyone without judgment, even if this perspective can create trouble. My older brother is blunt and silently loving, hiding his emotions behind an insult. I have been called every name under the sun, from 'peewee Sherman,' - a small and slow tank deployed in the war. (He loves history, maybe because it is easier to process than the present, as it does not change). To the worst being 'bones,' I ask, have you ever experienced someone physically recoil when touching your wrist? I have, and let me say it hurts more when it's someone you love. Finally, my 'new' Dad, I refer to him as new even though I have known him for more than 2 years while writing this simply because I have had four, and I would not like to associate him with them. As he is drastically different, being loyal and trustworthy. He has slightly female tendencies, which contributes to a kind of maternal love that can provoke fire when damaged. The funny thing is that I am still waiting to disappoint him, causing him to turn his back on us. He stays, never losing his temper and accepting the cards, he's dealt with no resentment. He could walk away, I would not blame him or resent him for Walking, often even I want to escape the reality I course. Yet they all stay. My Mum, being one of the most resilient, loving, and driven women you will ever meet.

We use to have an old metal sign located above the door, which stated our house was a 'Mad farm.' This could not have been more accurate as we all represented by a distinct animal. My Mum is a swan, It works like clockwork behind the scenes to keep floating above the water, yet it appears graceful on the waters surface. My 'new' Dad would be a dog because of his unwavering loyalty and childish playfulness. A true partner in crime and not only man's best friend. My brother would be a sheep not because he's a follower, but because he is a creator of habit and has consistent morals. He cares too profoundly, Yet hinds it underneath so much installation. Only you know he would protect you no matter the cost of shedding his coat when it truly counts. My sister would be a panda with diversity and a calm persona discussing her fierce love (even if she fights the wrong battles).

I, on the other hand, have been known as a lion since I was born. The name was given by my granddad, whom I love more than most know. He is quiet and calm with a Jamaican demeanour. This is in complete contrast to my grandma. She's a bomb ready to detonate at the first sign of injustice, all thought they are more appropriate for each other than you would understand. You see, I spent the best part of three years living with them when my mental health tore my family apart and before. My granddad could have been a teacher, he never boasts, but he knows more than he ever gets justification for. They are both compassionate in contrasting ways, and I am sorry I could not recognize that when it counted.

Even though I have more family, the remaining are not what I would consider close. I love them; however, I rarely see them. Although there are three other people, I need to mention who are close: my uncle, his compassionate girlfriend and my great grandad. My uncle is 11 years older than my brother, and I love him like one. He's had his own issues, which allowed him to understand mine, and my aunt is a pediatric nurse who knows what it was like to fall. I feel appalling, as out of everyone I aggrieved, I think it distressed her the most. You see, through my actions, she saw how it rips you apart from the core until you have no humanity remaining. She often excused herself from the situations I wished never occurred. To return, baring no judgment and a strategy to distract me. Jelly might have been the most ingenious way to help I received. From the late nights playing D and D, my uncle created a world to escape to - he even voice acted the characters, including 'Snot,' which must have hated the bible. To the understanding that I was not made of glass, My uncle helped tremendously. Finally their is my great grandad, who honestly knows everyone in the world and treats them like his own. Despite the fact he loss his wife to dementia years ago, he has never lost the love for her and has still got a child like demeanour, with endless stories to tell and songs to sing about the ‘good old days’.

I sincerely hope that I have done justice in describing these people, you cannot possibly fathom just how much these people mean to me, even when I didn't have the fight in myself, they kept fighting, and I am thankful for that, because sometimes we all forget we can not take on this world alone.