Encanto

Well, Disney did it again. They made a colorful, magical animated kid's movie with a moral of how toxic families can destroy themselves.

For those of us who come from Latino families, this one definitely hit harder than intended.

I feel a bit sorry for the creators because you know when their families saw this they were like -

"Mira, we going talk about this."

Pretty sure this movie was made for the Millennial/Gen Z/Gen X people because we were all labeled gifted as children and if we faltered for even a day, it defined the rest of our lives. If we had siblings, the oldest was given the most weight to carry, the perfect child was expected to remain perfect 150% of the time, and the youngest could be playful but also had to be useful and if they weren't, they were pushed aside.

I grew up as an only child, but also described as the 'extra' child at family affairs. I had no siblings to look after, but I was expected to carry the weight, to be perfect, to be gifted, to do as I was told, to marry who they wanted, to have babies, to be traditional and not make waves and either be a housewife or a career that would finance three households.

You can imagine their disappointment when I broke down mentally and physically.

Once they realized I wasn't going to fit into the cookie cutter life everyone else had accomplished, I was removed. They didn't invite me to family dinners, birthdays, holidays; I showed up to my uncles one night to drop off art supplies I thought he'd like and they were throwing a birthday party for my grandmother.

Instead of asking me to stay, they told me to drop off the package and leave. THEY were mad at ME for taking it so hard and 'making it a big deal'.

Tattoos, weed, graffiti art, protesting for BLM and Equal Rights, and other ways was how I rebelled against them.

For 20 years, I smiled when they called me names, I kept my head down and cooked for them, I cleaned for them, I took care of them when they were sick, I tutored their children, I helped with taxes, I painted nurseries, helped great-grandparents in their final years. I did everything I was asked to do in the hopes that one day, they would be proud of me, that they would say "We are so proud".

That's all any of us wanted.

To make our family proud and earn their respect, to make them happy and confident in us.

We carry their weight on our shoulders every day, even if we can't carry six donkeys.

We are the golden children who give our all every single day, even if we can't make the flowers grow.

We are who they need us to be, even though we can't shapeshift.

These behaviors aren't necessarily confined to one ethnicity, but Latino families in America struggle with them the most and I think it's because the entire country constantly tells us we don't belong here.

Even though I am fourth generation of Mexicans in my family born in America, people still tell us to go back from where we came from. My abuela was hard on us to make us belong where we were born. My family has been in the same house for three generations, my mother and I moved out when I was little. Being born out of wedlock was something even my Catholic family couldn't forgive, even when they said they did.

I wish my family could be like Encanto in the fact that Abuela apologized so quickly about being too hard on us. For instigating toxic behaviors that have affecting us for generations.

I think that's the funniest thing about this movie, believing that a Latina woman can simply apologize.

Mijo, no.

My abuela once accidentally cut me when she dropped a butcher knife in the sink where I was washing dishes and she told me I should've watched where I put my hands.

But that's Disney's job right? To sell us a fairy tale.

That doesn't mean that we can give up though, we all deserve to be happy in our own way.

If you need to drop the weight your family gives you, you don't need their permission to do so.

If you can't give it your all every single day, that's okay; you don't need to clear it with your family.

Our families can be a great blessing to us, or they can be a curse. Sometimes a little of both.

My family cut me out, so when COVID happened and I couldn't see them like I normally did, I actually felt relief. For the first time in my life, I felt ... free. I didn't have to visit and prove myself to them. THey couldn't call me and expect me to do whatever they asked. No midnight runs to the store for a sick aunt or uncle, no tutoring cousins, no nurse duties, no name-calling or embarrassments in my name.

It hurt that they barely remembered to even text me on my birthday, it hurt that they wouldn't even call to just check in on how I was doing; only to complain about what I couldn't do for them.

However, it felt good to do as I liked, to choose going to my friends on Thanksgiving, to spend New Years Eve laughing on a zoom date with a bottle of champagne just for me.

To choose to be imperfect ended up being perfect for me.

I hope if, like me, you struggle with family that you choose to be the Mirabel Madrigal.