Dysfunctional Family

I married a man with two kids and an ex-wife. I have not experienced giving birth to a baby, but I accept his kids as if they were my own. Although, I was never given a manual on the do's or don’ts of being a stepmother yet somehow, I seem to have survived! We have been married for several years, moved out of state to be closer to the kids, and be more supportive. Unfortunately, his ex -wife was in the process of a second divorce and his kids despised me, since they thought their parents would finally get back together. He made it clear to them that I was here to stay. The kids are now adults from a 19-year-old boy and a 24-year-old girl. In the real world, eventually, people grow out of disliking someone and get to know the person, but my experience with the ex-wife became a little more than I bargained for as a step parent.

The ex-wife would constantly call his cell phone regarding his daughter who is disabled with Cerebral Palsy and play the victim of a single mother role. She demands more help with her daughter, expresses that the daughter does not listen to her or suggests to placing her in a group home. She is an attention-seeker, because she knew how much her father loves his daughter, hoping it would drive me away through jealousy. I encouraged him to take his daughter on trips and to show the mother I am not against his bond with his kids. My step daughter comes every other weekend with an agenda and puts her mother on speaker when I am in the room. She rolls her eyes when I speak to her or turns her head at times when I look at her. I spoke with her in private that I am not here to break up the family, but to be a blended family. Well, that did not work out as planned and I accept her decision to take it slow. For example, she initiates to her father if they can go to the movies alone or ask if I was coming along. My stepson expresses himself by slamming the door, walking fast paced through the living room, giving me the evil eye at times, and the silent treatment unless I am speaking to him.

Tough love is hard but is requires strong willpower, and a lesson to be learned. I smile through the dysfunction, because it was the mother who influenced their actions and selfish ways to restore what was gone many years ago. However, I never accept the disrespect. Although, I addressed the elephant in the room that I was not a home wrecker and they were already divorced years prior to dating her ex-husband. Countless times I have asked my husband if he is happy and if this marriage is worth fighting for with all the challenges. I was about to walk away from my husband because of the negative energy, and he was fighting to keep me there. He tells me that co-parenting is his objective as far as communicating with his ex-wife. He confesses his love for me and we must not let that tear us apart.

Although, I have the perfect opportunity to dislike his ex-wife for so many reasons, but I have compassion for her. When they were married at a young age he just wanted to experience life without a title. She became pregnant with their son and he felt trapped, because he had already fallen out of love with her. I too had experienced my ex-husband falling out of love with me as well. He fell in love with another woman after I went through the rough years with him. I stopped looking at her as a bitter woman, but as a broken woman who had hoped of rekindling the flame. It takes courage to understand the pain of someone else, understand why they are hurting, and to find peace. I know that in time they may never accept our marriage, but I have accepted what I cannot change and that one day they will heal!