Don’t Pack For The Guilt Trip

Today, people move many time zones away from their familial home for lots of

reasons: jobs, love, an itch to see new places, etc.

But many of us simply needed to put some mileage between us and the family.

We get along much better in small doses, and preferably by phone or email, with

an occasional FaceTime thrown in.

That doesn’t mean that we don’t love our parents….but the truth is that there is

a reason that we live a 5 hour plane trip away, making casual visits pretty much

impossible.

Unfortunately, we very often try to forget this reason when the holidays come

around, and we see our friends excitedly making plans to head home for the

holidays. We feel like there must be something wrong with us that we have no

desire to spend hundreds of dollars and fight the traveling herds to head home.

And the guilt starts to sink in…there must be something wrong with me that I

don’t want to go home to see my family. It’s the holidays and I should be home

with my family, right?

RIGHT??

No, not right, not unless you actually WANT to be home with your family.

You’re an adult now, and you have a right to spend time with the people that you

WANT to spend your time with. You should never spend time with ANYONE -

whether they share your DNA or not - unless you actually want to.

Instead of feeling guilty about not going home for the holidays - sit down and

make a list of the good memories and the bad memories you have from your last

visit home. Be honest. Be brutal.

Two absolutely critical questions:

How much do you dread going home?

How long does it take to recover your sense of self worth?

How long does it take to get back into your normal work flow when you

get home?

For the entrepreneur, these are critical issues: we usually have no one but

ourselves to answer to, and no one but ourselves to keep us motivated.

If your family disapproves of or denigrates your core means of supporting

yourself - how does that impact you when you have to deal with it in person?

The truth is, you may be better off, emotionally and financially, by not going

home for the holidays. Perhaps a short visit after the first of the year, a time

when the expectations are lower, and the stress is less, may be healthier for all

involved.

But as we all know - making the decision is only one small part of the process.

Calling home and facing the ensuing guilt trip is the biggest part and where most

of us cave. I admit to resorting to the end of the year work crunch (crazy clients,

new clients, last minute changes) simply because it is easier than admitting the

truth - I simply don’t want to be there with them.

But the point is, I have decided to stop feeling guilty about it. I moved away from

home for a reason - daily contact with my family is not good for me, my selfesteem or my business. Instead, I enjoy the holidays with my friends (there are

more people like us than you may think!), doing what I want to do, instead of

what I feel obligated to do.

It’s become a time of regeneration, self-care and renewal, rather than recovery

and self-doubt, as it was for most of my life.

So stop packing that suitcase…no guilt trip this year, ok