Don't Blame Them To Much

Parents can't live with them.....can't live without them. When we think of parents, we usually think they are the people that are supposed to have everything together. We often blame them for our shortcomings and hold them to the standard of perfection.

Throughout my life I have learned to be compassionate towards my parents. Learning to read outside of their parental lines. Teaching me morals, empathy, and integrity. They encouraged me to use my gifts. We weren't handed generational wealth, but we were rich in grace. Using what you have and to make it better.

Although, my parents and I are in a good space. I found myself blaming them for so many things. I felt like I wasn't prepared. I felt like I needed purpose and my parents were supposed to give it to me. They were supposed to do this and fight for their lives too. Once again expecting perfection. Tribulations of past times. Untold things that they bottle inside. They go through so many things under the surface and sometimes we are to selfish to step aside and realize most of them do the best that can and mean it. The lessons they try to teach and sometimes we get the "I'm grown syndrome".

Now that I am a parent, I find myself reflecting on the way my parents raised 12 children and the way I raise my daughter. I now see why they said, "You will understand when you get older".

I have learned along the way on why not to blame them to much. They are learning and trying to teach you what they know. They don't have everything mapped out. You are an unique creation and every lesson has to be tailored for your individual needs. They often put of what they need because they know you weren't asked to brought into the Earth. Making you their priority and casting themselves to the side.

All the pains they felt and all the past trauma they went through, ensuring that the we don't go through the same. When I was younger my mom told me that her brother molested her and my grandmother went to her grave not knowing. My dad told me that his mother was the bread winner and my grandfather was a drunkard. At the age of 13, my dad lost his sweet mother causing him to have to take care of the family, even though my grandfather was in the picture. Now the diagnoses for my mother is Bi-polar Depression and my father has Post- Traumatic Stress. Parents are everything but perfection.

Adulthood has taught me several things. I have learned that even though I didn't always have what I wanted, I had what I needed and my parents provided that for me. Remembering the days where I felt like the poor kid, and only had one pair of shoes to wear throughout the school year. They made it okay because I understood they have more than one mouth to feed. My sisters and brothers were just as important as me and some need more care than others.

Those other types of parent that do nothing but abuse; emotionally, verbally, and physically are the ones you will have to forgive. They may not have been taught. Their downfalls are not your problems and forgiveness is not for them it is for you. Don't let their actions define who you are meant to be. You are made to bend but not break.