Do You Feel Loved?

I placed myself in a precarious position. What I still consider to be an act of brilliance could, on any evening, turn on me with a vengeance. If my idea were to backfire on me, it would mean a sleepless night and a great deal of soul searching. While my plan could be potentially hurtful, I urge any men reading this to be brave and test drive it. If you are honest and care for your significant other this could bring you closer than you have ever imagined.

It all started with a strong desire to draw closer to my wife and to learn how to love her better. I was undergoing a metamorphosis when everything about me changed. One of the definitions of metamorphosis is, “ A change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by nature or supernatural means”. A change of nature was what I had gone through and out of that change came a new, deeper feeling for my wife.

I was teased and poked for not ”wooing” my lovely bride. The art of the “woo” was totally foreign to me in the past. Often times I would ask if that meant looking at her and shouting “Woo Woo”. As you have no doubt surmised that answer was not even close to her desire. After my changed nature this art became one of the joys of my life. The practice of “wooing” is a subject for another time but it started with my stroke of ingenuity.

During a session of random pondering I asked myself how my wife knew that I loved her. I answered myself with the reality that while I told her that I loved her, did I show her that same love? This was one of the better conversations that I have had with myself. The only way to answer to my question was to ask.

One evening as we lay in bed talking I decided that it was time for the question. In asking the question I had to make myself completely vulnerable and honest. There could be no wrong answer and I had to live with whatever her answer may be. No hurt feelings, no counter answer, no defense just complete acceptance was my goal. I could not get defensive about her answer because it was me who asked the question!

”Did you feel my love for you today? If you didn’t please tell me how I can change that for tomorrow.” The toughest question I have ever asked anyone had just left my mouth. My wife was stunned. “Dale, I’ve seen the changes in you but I never expected this.” was her first response. After that came, “Why did you ask me that?” As I explained my heart’s desire to love her better I added, “There is nothing that you can’t say to me to answer the question as long as it is asked in a spirit of love. I will ask you that question each night.”

So the story begins. Each night as we lay awake in bed talking, at some point I will to turn to my bride and ask her, “Did you feel my love for you today?” Now, for only a brief moment in time I become vulnerable. My soul pierced and exposed, I was girded as well as could be. Her answer to my original question was slow in coming. “I like that question. At times I have wondered if you even cared about things like that. I’m happy that you care enough about us to ask me that. You can’t know how I would answer so, here goes.”

She began, “I know that you love me. There are some days when I can’t see that love and on those days I feel distant from your love. Dale, you put this wall up around you and nothing gets in or out. Honey, I need to feel your love for me everyday.”

The first words from my mouth were, “Please forgive me.” The fact was that she is knows me very well and she was right. As painful as it was to hear her words, I had to thank her for her honesty. Those words were the kindling to start the fire in me. It has taken some time but the more open and honest that we are with one another, the deeper we fall into our love for one another. She and I are emotionally closer now than we have ever been.