Defining Cheating in Modern Relationships

What Really Counts as 'Cheating' in a Relationship? A Psychologist Answers

For couples, one of the most sensitive and complex issues remains cheating. Its definition may seem simple enough-indeed, romantic or sexual interactions with another outside a committed relationship-but the truth is, the boundaries can vary dramatically, depending on what one believes or has been taught, cultural norms, and agreements between partners.

To unpack this, we consulted psychologists to better understand what really constitutes cheating in a relationship.

1. Cheating Is About Breaching Trust

At its core, cheating involves breaking the implicit or explicit rules established between partners. Psychologist Dr. Samantha Ellis explains:

Cheating isn’t solely about physical acts. It’s about violating the trust and agreements that sustain your relationship.

This could range from the meaning for that specific couple to just typing an ex a text message because it feels like cheating for some, while others don't mind so much.

2. The Three Broad Definitions of Cheating

According to Dr. Ellis, there are three broad types of cheating:

• Physical Cheating: Any and all forms of physical intimacy outside the relationship, whether kissing, cuddling, or sexual intercourse with another.
• Emotional Infidelity: Forging a true emotional connection with another person outside the relationship, especially an alternative to emotional closeness with your partner.
• Cyber Cheating: Sending flirtatious or intimate online messages, sexting, sending naked pictures, or maintaining dating app profiles.

3. Emotional Infidelity: The Gray Area

Emotional cheating is a very controversial topic. It may not entail the actual act of physical forgery but can be equally destructive. According to Dr. Ellis, "When someone starts sharing their deepest thoughts, feelings, and secrets with someone else—especially if they withhold those from their partner—that's often seen as a breach of trust."*

For emotional cheating, favoring somebody over your spouse, avoiding them, or forming a more intimate relationship that appears to go beyond friendships can present emotional cheating.

4. The Role of Intent

Intent is the deciding factor in determining infidelity. Was it an accident or intentional? Dr. Ellis indicates that some actions, such as flirting alone, do not constitute cheating if there is no intent to follow up with more activity. However, actively seeking ways to form a connection with someone outside the relationship delivers a very serious message.

5. Communication Is Essential

Because the definition of cheating varies from one couple to another, clear communication is crucial. Couples should discuss and agree on their boundaries early in the relationship. According to Dr. Ellis: > *"What counts as cheating for one person may not for another. The key is to align expectations with your partner and revisit those boundaries as the relationship evolves."

6. Consequences of Cheating

Whether it was in this relationship or any other, cheating always means feelings of betrayal, anger, and sadness. It could be very long until trust was established again, and often, by then, it is too late and the relationship has lost its way and fails. Couples that actually want to work through can get help from counseling or therapy to facilitate communication.

Building trust with a lover takes time and effort, as well as mutual understanding. Here is the step to help you trust your partner:

1. Open Communication : Openly talk about your feelings, fears, and expectations. Letting your thoughts be shared helps create a foundation of honesty.
2. Observe Their Actions : Relationship trust increases when words are matched by action. Observe whether your partner delivers on their promises and respects your boundaries as well.
3. Be Vulnerable : Discuss personal experiences or weaknesses. This vulnerability fosters intimacy and relationship trust.
4. Set Boundaries Together : Agree on what is acceptable and not in the relationship to avoid misunderstandings altogether.
5. Concentrate on Their Consistency : Pay attention to patterns of behavior. Consistency is a major indicator of reliability.
6. Trust Yourself First : Learning to trust your instincts and feelings about things can also make it easier to trust a partner.

Building trust is a two-way street, and it requires effort from both sides. Be patient and let it grow naturally.

Conclusion

Ultimately, what is cheating is relative to each relationship's unique dynamic. The take-away is: Communicate about boundaries, listen to each other's feelings, and maintain trust as a foundation in your partnership.