Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Nothing can truly come close to describing how I feel about you. Everything I am, can be traced back to who you are and what you’ve done for me. You taught me to see my strengths as weaknesses and my weaknesses as strengths. You taught me by example what true humility looks like. You taught me to know truth for myself. You taught me to love both God and neighbor. You taught me to say sorry. You taught me to be a peacemaker and a truth speaker. You taught me to have empathy and let others grow at their own pace. You taught me to be me. All the books in the world cannot contain enough words to record a lifetime of your love and silent lessons. To say I love you and I’m grateful for you, does not do justice to the honor I hold for you in my heart.

I remember how you let me experience life. I brought you the flour for baking cookies, but I held the container by the lid…it doesn’t take an imagination to realize that the flour ended up all over the kitchen floor. It was a white powdered mountain stretching towards my shocked toes. You didn’t yell or appear angered at the mess I had created; you instead elevated my level of thinking. The mess was created, and the mistake already made, so you taught me what to do next: laugh at the plot twist and clean up the mess. Mother and daughter, side by side, we both worked together, and I felt your love.

I remember how just recently I saw someone correct something you said. I grew inwardly protective and irritated at the words they spoke. It wasn’t the disagreement that frustrated me, it was the fact that they weren’t listening. If they listened, then they would understand that what you said was exactly what they were saying. Instead, they rushed their thought processes to assume you were wrong and they were right. They needed their voice to be heard. Your response though, quieted my inward struggle and filled me with awe. You spoke about your gratitude and love for that woman for being able to express what you too believe. You weren’t frustrated at her impatience to listen and unwillingness to understand. You loved and showed humility in the sincerest intent I have ever witnessed. While I know you aren’t really perfect, you are dearly perfect to me. My heart would rage to defend and protect you, but you silenced a war that did not need to be fought.

I remember the many times that you protected me too. You battled the school to meet my wants and needs, letting me follow my talents and passions. Sometimes you even battled to protect me from me. I was in middle school when I first experienced a mental health battle that you helped me to win through your unconditional love, simple explanation, and validation. I’m grateful for you teaching me about the reality of mental health and our need to fill our lives with things that bring real joy. I’m grateful for your high expectations to reach my potential coupled with that unconditional love to be ok with my mistakes. You battled me to practice me talents and use them to serve (I’m sorry for how often I must have fought you on your purely good efforts to do what’s right). You also battled me to be willing to let go, letting me know that my perfectionism was both a strength and a weakness. You helped me to become more self-aware, and you loved me in moments I did not love myself.

The thing I’m most grateful for, second only to your unconditional and constant love, is your ability to see in ways others cannot. Who else would let their daughter share a name with a school bully? You let me take over every association of that name, you let my name be joyful to you when you felt it should be my name. Honestly though, thank you for seeing me for who I am (including my name because I would hate to have been your other options of Mary-Anne or anything else). You see my potential and you’ve had a knack at seeing who I’d become. Any time I hit a crossroad, you just trusted and expressed confidence in me and my future. You’ve empowered me, you’ve empowered my siblings, but your love did not end at empowering your children. I have seen you see the needs of others, seek to understand others, and offer that same unconditional love to them time and time again. One day, every person you have taken into your motherly embrace, will fully recognize the depth of what you have given them. You will hold a special place in their hearts as you do me. You will be honored and seen as perfect, not because you were actually perfect, but because your love was perfectly there and changed them for the better.

I love you Mom, with every fiber of my soul. No mortal person has given me as much as you have, and I hope you feel noticed now for the efforts I was blind to as a child.

Love forever,

Sarah