Dear Brittany

To say I was less than thrilled when mom got pregnant (for the fifth time) would be a gross understatement. I was 13 and already had 3 younger siblings – and now I find out I’m getting not one, but TWO more, cuz OH YEAH; mom’s having T W I N S?! Clearly, God has a sense of humor and I’m his best comedic material.

You were “supposed” to be a boy, the doctors were sure of it … always bet on mother nature. As the eldest, I helped mom with the babies; she took Patrick & I took you (like some weird civilized custody arrangement?!). I was basically a teenage mom, without having to go through all that pesky pregnancy stuff!

I never appreciated being from such a large (human) litter when I was younger; I was always the “free” babysitter, so you guys were the job I never got paid for. But as we’ve all gotten older, and grown into the adults we are today, I can’t help but look in the rearview mirror of time and be proud of the woman you’ve become. As your unofficial “second” mom, I can’t help but beam.

The car accident that almost took you from us in 2012 scared me to death. I walked into that hospital brave and confidently in good spirits … until I turned that corner into the ICU room they had you in. I’m your big sister: but in that moment, you were “my baby” – and seeing you hooked up to all the machines broke my heart. You probably don’t remember (they had you on some GOOD pain meds), but I had to step out of the room to collect myself.

You were only 17. With a shattered pelvis, broken ribs, a cervical break … you had a hard road of therapy ahead of you. And the only place that had an opening for Rehab was a Nursing Home – where you were the only “resident” under 65. I know you were miserable having to stay there those 3 months. But they got you walking again! Well, YOU got you walking again (they were just there to make sure you didn’t fall or hurt yourself ;-). I know the family always made sure to visit you frequently and bring you food (so you weren’t just eating bland Oatmeal all the time!) … but we weren’t there 24/7. I can’t give you enough credit for staying there & sticking it through with the therapy; proud doesn’t even BEGIN to describe it.

I was (and am) so proud of how you pushed through everything you were up against. Not JUST with the accident, but with everything life has thrown at you. I know despite your outward sassiness & confidence, you struggle internally with anxiety. And I want you to know IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK! Strength is defined differently for everyone; you have the strength of SELF. You know who you are, and you LIKE who you are; not everyone can say that. When you were trying to figure out how to come out to mom & dad, I told you to rip the Band-Aid off & just tell them; because no matter how they reacted or what they said, I was going to be there for you no matter what! I always have been, and I always will be.

We lost mom this year. And not a month after that, you were forced to start a new chapter in your life, living on your own for the first time. The timing sucks. I know you’re nervous and I know everything seems scary right now … and I know you miss mom terribly. But I’m not nervous for you at all. Do you want to know why? Because you GOT THIS. You’ve always “got this”, no matter what “this” is! And if you start to stumble, I’ll catch you. No one will ever be able to replace mom; but I’m here for you, and she is here with US in spirit! Even though we can’t see or hug her anymore … she’s still here. Just because she’s in our heart, doesn’t mean we can’t talk to her. And if we quiet our thoughts and open our soul … we might hear her whisper that everything IS going to be ok. Because if she were here, that’s exactly what she’d tell you!

I don’t know if I’ll “publish” this, if you’ll ever read it. But I guess you don’t really need to, because I make it pretty well known how awesome I think you are! Stay strong, Brittany – it suites you ;-)

Love Heather