Daughterless Fathers

My wife was telling me about a show on Oprah's network where they discussed "Fatherless Daughters", and how the absence of a father affected their lives. I'd admit, the show topic wasn't anything new to me. I know how important it is for daughters to have a father (or father figure) in their life, but no one ever discusses the opposite. As a father of two little girls, every day they teach me things that I don't think I would’ve learned by having sons. Ask the majority of men today if they want a boy or girl, and most of them will say, "A BOY!" And I will tell you why. Because they are scared. They are scared of the unknown. I still get comments from my male friends (the ones who don't have any kids or have only sons) today saying things like: "Man I don't know how you do it." And my reply is to just shake my head-but in my mind, what I'm really thinking is, "What do you mean?" I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

To have this opportunity to raise a girl into a woman is the greatest experience any man could have. But many don't see it that way. I didn't see it that way, at first. When I first found out my wife was pregnant with a girl, my first thoughts were, no football games, no camping, no first haircuts at the barbershop-you know, no typical guy stuff. Not saying that you can't do some (or all) of these things with a girl, but still this is what I thought initially. But now that she is here, I think I got a lot more than those superficial things. I feel like I'm getting a crash course in Emotions 101. Dudes are taught to never show emotions...Growing up you hear, You get hurt, WALK IT OFF! You bet not cry! Be strong ALL THE TIME! Don't show feelings, girls do that! Which translate over in their relationships with women and how they are willing to be there for them physically but not emotionally. It’s like an endless cycle of men never learning how to communicate because they are not able to tell and show them how they truly feel. And women need that connection. Even after being married for more than 15 years, this is something that I still struggle with.

Since the arrival of my daughters, I am listening more, looking for nonverbal cues, and learning to be more patient. I'm learning that tears don’t mean find a way to stop her from crying, but to find out why she is crying in the first place. I'm learning that it’s important to hug, kiss and to tell her that "I love you". We wrestle, we play sports and we have conversations that I thought I would be having one day with my sons. I’m learning that even though one day both of my daughters will grow up to be beautiful intelligent women, I still can share these special moments with them that I thought would be reserved for the male gender. You noticed that I said "I'm learning" instead of saying "I've learned", because I'm still a work in progress. But the point I am trying to make is, that having my daughter here made me realize that these things are very important and what is needed in my life, not only as a father, but as a husband as well. It shouldn't be all about boys and ONLY wanting sons. You never know, you may need that little girl more than she needs you. I hope to have a son one day, but I am thankful for God granting me this opportunity to become a better man.