Daughter

chile will you just sit still… it’s late and I want to get done. THAT was the last I can remember of her. She was beautiful that night, as I see her when I shut my eyes, I can see her clear as day. My grandmother, the patriarch of the family. Her long black and silver hair, thick coke bottle glasses, tan skin, and her warm touch as she brushed my hair for school. We would sit in the living room of our small cottage like home fire blazing to keep us warm. I sat on the wood floor with the quilt she made to cover my legs and body moving every time she snagged my hair. She braided each side with grace explaining to me that the braid was more than a braid. The braids represents our worries, fears and stress. She would say to keep my hair in this briad so as to be free of the things that most people can’t get free from. This time would be the last braid she would ever do for me. I woke up cold and knowing something wasn’t right. The house dark smelling of burnt wood and my grandmother still lying in the same place I left her when told to go to bed. I called to her with no answer. Grandmother it’s cold you need to go to bed. I touch her hand still warm but no breath and just like that she was gone.

I was just a child! I remember screaming and crying with no one around to harness my pain. Still crying I could feel the tightness on my braid pull the baby hairs and my heart pounding with panic. It’s the dead of winter nearest home was 3 miles.

I looked out the window I could see the stars for miles and the fresh snow was like a blanket of glitter against the ground. I stood there for a long time tears flowing not knowing what to do. She taught me to be brave and I asked for a sign for my heart was broken and lost. I wanted so bad for her to yell at me for being out of bed at 3 am. The chill was getting to cold to bare so I had no choice but to light the fire. I stood over the pile of wood pieces struggling to place them in the fireplace. After a few tries I finally get it and the flicker of the flame bounces off her pale cheeks and wired glasses. The blanket I used to cover my legs now covers my grandmother. I was so lost no direction all I could do was cry. I was 13 how could my she leave me like this. My tears soon dried and I held her hand till the sun came up knowing I had to bury her.

A new day has touched the blanket of glitter and the sun creeping in the only window I felt the day begin. I gather my strength head to dress. I button the last button and cry once again knowing I had to say goodbye to the only woman I knew. I put my grandfather’s boots on to dredge in the 4 feet of snow head to the shed where the shovel was waiting. I move as fast as I can seeing the shoes were huge. Clip clop clank was the sound as I pass the tall pine trees and begin to dig. It’s now I begin to remove the snow before I can bury her. I dig all day the sun is starting to go down. My hands bloody body frozen as I pull her to her final resting place. Now my hands bloody sore and feet frozen body numb I see the moon starting to come out. I take a min to look in the sky and ask god for a sign she will always be with me. She was all I had. I get to numb to continue to stay there as I didn’t eat the whole day I dredge back to the house . I get part way and a barn owl swoops near my head. I panic and run I fear loosing my grandpa’s boot. I land in the house slam the door and my heart is beating so loud I know it can be heard. I sink to my knees crying once again frozen numb and wet. I gather my thoughts and stand barley able to move pushing myself to change clothes. I sit on my bed and wrap the only piece of her I have around me to get warm.

I had to rise to start the fire as the temps were dropping and soon as the flame flickered I seen it. The biggest shadow. I froze it was so big it covered me. I was scared. I turned my head so fast my braid hit my cheek like a whip, And that’s when I seen it. The barn owl. It was in the window watching. I was still scared so I laid still watching it like it was watching me. While the flames bounced off the kitchen wall I felt her. My sign I asked god for. I could smell her. I knew she was there.

Day after day the owl would visit. I would become happy after a while even speak to it.

So you see daughter, grandmother sent it to watch me. When I go I will send one to watch over you.