Conscious Me

Hi I'm Starlet, my friends call me star, I've been through a lot and it is very hard to trust people. Soooo .....Let's start from the beginning. I was born and raised in our Nations Capitol, for a long time I did not believe, there was a better place to live. DC is broken down into four sections. Northeast, Southeast, Northwest and Southwest. My life started in Southeast DC, April 1985. Born to James and Essie Gorman, I have two much older sisters. Sarah who is 15 years older and Fatima who is 12 years older. Fatima often called me the mistake and the unplanned child and honestly, its true. Ma and pop were having marital issues, apparently mom caught pops with another women and put him out. Obviously he came back at some point because Boom .....Here I Am. I like to think of myself as the child who kept the family together but me being an accident help Fatima coup with life better, I guess. Because of the age difference my sisters and I were never close, in fact they don't know me at all and what they think they know is all wrong, Hell up until recently, i'm just realizing who I am. Here is Starlet's Story.

Up until I was thirteen Washington DC was home. My Middle School was Charles Hart and I was soooo excited to start. I was going to 6th grade and was starting to really like boys. Hart was full of them but they was mostly bad and came from broken homes. Living in Southeast, I was one of a few households, whom had both parents and not on a Subsidized income or Welfare. In fact we were pretty well off. My mom and dad bought their home in 1970 for about $40,000. For the most part mom stayed home until I started school and she worked various office jobs. Dad had one of the few Black owned HVAC businesses. Gorman's Heating and Cooling. He was never home working odd hours. Hey! it paid the bills. Now back to the boy crazy 11 year old. Going into middle school, I was 4'11 and about 80lbs. Bra size b cup and a zero jeans. I have long thick hair and my favorite hair style was half up and half down. Every now and then, I would add spiral curls to it as I did on the first day of Middle School. Oh I forgot to tell you, I am dark skinned with the brightest brown eyes and the most perfect smile. Ok so I'm sicing myself up a lil bit ....but whatever. On the first day, I want to be like every one else, so I find my tightest Parasuco Jeans ( you were a looser if you didn't have at lease one pair) , black and white Michael Jordan's #12 and a black and white Jordan T-shirt. I was fly, no one was going to tell me otherwise.

As the Metro bus pull up, I spot my two best friends Sandra and Ronell. We have been friends since the 1st grade when Jerome Jenkins thought it was cool to call me ugly because I was dark skinned. Sandra and Ronell Stood up to him and we all kinda beat him up on the school play ground. Alrighty we totally be him up on the playground. Anyways on the bus next to me was Ray (short for Raymond) we grew up together. In the 6th grade Ray was about 5'3 with honey brown skin and blue eyes. Personally his eyes looked kinda weird to me but girls loved it. All accept me and he could not imagine why. The bus finally stopped and Ry and I got off, I waved at Ronell and Sandra and started to head in their direction until Ray grabbed my arm . " I'm not done talking Starlet, let's meet at the movies on Saturday out Rivertowne" Boy let go of my arm , I said "No". Sandra and Ronell watching us from a far, assumed, I had a change of heart about my feelings for him. Ronell has had a crush on him since I met her. He lived next to me so I introduced them. Because of this, our families know each other well. Ronell always saw this as a problem but I cant help where I live. As I force my arm out of Ray's hand Ronell and Sandra are on both sides of me. "Hey girls wassup" "don't you wassup us, you fake as shit....ugh" Sandra says. Sandra was light skinned with Curly hair, for school she got it straightened and we were the same height and Ronell stood about 5'1 and brown skinned, her hair was in long braids. " I knew you wanted Ray, I told you I don't trust you" "Ya'll got it all wrong, I want her" Ray tried to explain, but was too late.

Sandra grabbed my arms and Ronell just started punching me all over as hard as she could. For a moment , I felt hurt and betrayed. These are my best friends, how could they do this? Than that hurt turned into anger. I realized, these girls were never my friends. Really over a boy....at that moment anger took over. I broke free from Sandra, she did not see that coming and started to punch her, got her on the ground, than Ronell pulled my hair from behind and Sandra got up and tried to attack. I just started kicking, to prevent her from hitting me. That is when Principle Greene, pulled Ronell off me and Ms. Brown grabbed Sandra. Ray went and told them the whole story and that I was just protecting myself. They spoke to each of us separately they both said I started it. They did not realized everyone was on my side. When it was my turn, I told the truth and what actually happened. Sandra and Ronell got suspended for three days, I did not receive a punishment because, i did not start the confrontation

Once I got home both my sisters were there waiting for me. By now Sarah had three kids. Jonathan of whom just 2 years younger. We are like best friends more so than aunt and nephew. Candace, who was a year younger than Joshua and Casey who was 1 years old. She had all three of them with her. "What the Hell happened Starlet? Why would they want to jump you, I don't understand ?' Sarah asked " They always been jealous of Starlet, you know that, Ma and pops need to move you away. You are too good for these kids." Fatima exclaimed. " I'm ok, and happy it happened. Fatima is right, they had to be jealous, but why. I.ve been nothing but loyal to them. This was not about Ray, there was more. They know I ain't like him. I'm not hurt because of the fight but because , I thought we were friends." I need to know the true reason." at that moment I said " come on Joshua, lets go. " We walked up to Martin Luther King Avenue "AKA the Ave" and caught the bus down to Anacostia Station and walked to the neighborhood known as Barry Farms. Ronell lived there with her mom and 4 Brothers and Sisters. I knocked on the door and Ms. Miller answered. " Hi Star, I didn't think, I will ever see you again. I am so sorry for the actions of Ronell and Sandra. What are you doing here." Joshua looked at me like I was crazy. He had no idea where we were headed. He knew my ma and pops would be pissed, if they knew where we went. I had to make it quick, the next bus was coming in 20 minutes and we could not miss it. " I don't want any trouble, just to talk to Ronell, you can stand here to listen." Ro Ro" she yelled, " you have a visitor.

She came downstairs and said " I bet Mr. and Mrs "Gorman" do not know you are here" I roll my eyes and cut straight to the chase. " What was today about? A simple I don't like you would have been ok" " We decided, we were no longer you friend while you were on vacation with your family. You completely rubbed it in our faces and all those picture when you came back. You are so stuck up, today when we saw you with Ray. It added fuel to the fire." I was hurt and I trusted these girls but I was not about to beg someone to be my friend. "so you are jealous, for once Fatima was right. That's all I need to hear. I appreciate you and Sandra for showing your true colors and understand your lil stunt only made me stronger and wiser. Thank you for making me a better person.

The bus ride home was quiet "you ok" Joshua asked hesitantly "nope" I said quickly. "You want to talk about it" He asked. " I'm done talking, Ronell and Sandra will not get the best of me" We got off the bus and walked home, Ray was outside talking to my parents as I walked up. " Oh Baby " my mom ran and hugged me. " You Ok, I can't believe they jumped you after all we did for those girls" My mom can be so mushy " She held her own Mrs. Gorman" Ray explained "that's because she learned how to fight from me " Fatima interrupted. She irritated me so fricking much, always had to put herself in something " oh Fatima " I said and walked off . "Starlet you are going to be ok, those girls never meant you any good and ignore Fatima" Sarah said I smiled and kept walking.

The year had flown by, and I stayed cautious of whom I kept in my circle. When Sandra and Ronell came back, they tried to taunt me , but it did not work. Instead of being part of a crew, I decided that I will be the "cool girl" and talk to everyone accept the obvious of course. Before I knew it I was in the seventh grade and pretty popular, I was a cheerleader and Great at it. We had an amazing team, coach Hope had us running, completing strength exercises and gymnastics. Through Coach Hope, I learned all the jumps and flips. I was having an amazing year. My cheer team always made first place, I was on honor roll and had an amazing group of associates. No boyfriends though, I was too busy, that did not mean I was not interested. With all the amazing things going on , my mom and dad crush all my lil dreams. I get home after cheering at a basket ball game. I'm tired and still have a ton of home work to do. "Starlet, we bought a house in Fort Washington, MD." Dad said. By now it was just me in the home, I could not understand why they wanted to move. I was doing so good at Hart, I could not understand the move. " The home is nice and has a huge backyard, you know like the homes we always liked ." My mom explained. Once again hurt and anger took over. I worked hard on my status and my grades for them to take it away. Now I have to deal with boogie suburban kids. "NO" was all I can get out and before I knew it I said it again and again. "you guys don't care about me at all. " Than the dramatic exit, I run off.

Ma and Pops give me time to cool off before they talk to me. " look I just want you to give this a chance. A change of scenery would be good " Mom said " every thing we do is for you Star. This is for the best" Dad said. I calmed down and asked " When do we move?" "We closed today and plan to be out of here in the next month. We will allow you to finish the year at Hart, but next year, your new school is Lord Baltimore Academy" Dad said. I just put my hands in my head.

Part Two coming soon......