CAUTIOUS LOVER

As you know, marriage is not easy...especially when you and your spouse are on different sides on so many issues. And when things get tough, we all make mistakes from time to time. commit

It's probably healthy to have odd disagreements from time to time. Arguing with your spouse is a great way for both of you to blow off steam and blow away what is holding back your marriage.

However, some mistakes, once made, cannot be undone. No matter how many times you say "I'm sorry" for such a mistake, the damage will never be undone. There's the adage, "It's easier to forgive than to forget," but unfortunately there are certain mistakes that can be a deal-breaker.

It can be one big mistake or a series of small mistakes. If you don't make an effort to right your wrongs as you and your spouse grow together, your marriage will begin to suffer.
You may be wondering what are some of the mistakes that could put an end to your marriage...that is the purpose of this book!


Before we start, a quick reminder:
It's important to note that the only way not to repeat the same mistake twice is to admit that you made a mistake and understand why you were wrong. Then don't do it again. Many of us make the same mistakes over and over again for reasons only we know. However, we do not understand that if we make the same mistake, it will hurt our spouse.

If you find yourself making the following mistakes, take a step back and consider how your actions are setting a negative tone for your marriage.

To get the point straight, I'll start by acknowledging that cheating is a big NO in any marriage. Yes, it's obvious, but the bugs I'm about to tell you are more likely to go unnoticed than you think.


DISRESPECT

It's common for couples to get nervous or bump heads with each other, but it's important to never lose respect for each other. Once the insult begins there is no going back.

Don't throw the past in your spouse's face and don't take each other for granted. If you have any questions, don't search each other's personal belongings for answers. Not only is it an invasion of privacy, but if your spouse finds out, they will have a hard time trusting you again. Please discuss this with your spouse. Respect each other's space, opinions, and beliefs.

Marriages based on a positive attitude, where encouragement and respect are fostered, always work. Differences are acceptable as long as there is respect. Out of respect, our partner will not try to cheat us. Also, with all due respect, they help us out if we let them know what's going on. Negligence issues have been found to have the most negative impact on most marriages over the years. As a married person, there are many reasons to worry. The biggest challenge is that most couples don't even know when such problems will arise in their marriage. However, don't panic because this post explains all about disrespect.


CAUSES OF DISRESPECT IN MARRIAGE

1. Ignoring your Spouse

This is one of the main reasons why people don't respect her in marriage. Do you regularly attend to your partner's needs? These could be emotional, sexual, psychological, or financial needs. Most married people believe that sex and financial problems are the only things that bother their partners. Failure to address other needs can lead to disrespect. It is especially common for men to constantly ignore their partners. They make the wrong assumption about their wife's needs, which is not the best bet. No matter how busy you are, your partner gets frustrated when their needs aren't met.

2. dishonesty

Most married people have the mistaken belief that while honesty is the best policy, honesty always comes at a price. This is an assumption that only leads to a lack of respect from partners. . Also, remember that being unfaithful to your partner can pay an even higher price in the long run. Don't build your marriage on lies. Don't think your partner is stupid enough to accept these hoaxes because such behavior leads to disrespect for the marriage. It's only natural for your partner to respect your openness and frankness.

3. Be Selfish

Are you the selfish type who always thinks only of yourself? Did you know that marriage is a bond between two people? Your partner may disrespect you if you try to do the opposite. Some people think that you should only be close to your partner for sex. You may not be spending as much time with your partner as you expected. You don't deserve your partner's respect, so it doesn't matter what reasons you use to justify such behavior. I have.

4. Too much criticism

It is true that at some point you will have to judge your partner's behavior. However, this should not happen regularly. Some people have a habit of ridiculing their partner's efforts. They have nothing to gain from such people. criticizing your partner should be done constructively to avoid any form of disrespect towards him or her. Trying to find out and being picky all the time. The point is to give such a person the freedom they need.

5. No Apologies

The inability to use "magical five-letter words" can have several ramifications, and rudeness happens to be that he is one. Are you the type of person who doesn't apologize when you do something wrong? Did you know that apologizing makes your partner respect you more? Most people are too proud to apologize to their partner. They are happy to come up with excuses to protect their egos. This is simply a move or decision that causes your partner to dislike your behavior. The source of disrespect.

6. Make your partner feel insecure

You have to make sure your partner is a better person. In other words, you are not married to him or her. For example, some men look at other women with lust even when their wives are with them. If you keep doing that, you will lose the respect of your wife. Some women even try to upset their husbands in public. It's just a recipe for not being respected. The bottom line is that whenever your partner loses faith in what you're arguing for, contempt follow




LYING

"I'm lying outright. My spouse will never know."

This statement is not necessarily true. There are situations in which you will white lie to your spouse after establishing an acceptable reason for it and avoiding it.
Many times the truth comes out and your spouse feels cheated and thinks you lied about other things during the marriage. You are a powerful emotion that can create room for doubt and make your partner think about your marriage.

So how can you avoid this? Practice integrity in your marriage, even if it means saying things your partner doesn't want to hear. Not only will this improve your marriage, but it will also lead your partner to be more open and honest with you.

Honesty is the key to a happy marriage. But what if the other person is lying? Marriage as it is?
When building relationships, we always expect genuine honesty from our partners. But sometimes it's hard, to be honest

Let's face it - we're all lying, right? You may use a "white lie" to prevent the other person from being offended or hurt by the truth. White lies like "I love everything you cooked for dinner" and "Don't worry about me, I'm fine" are common in relationships, especially in marriage.
Surely you don't want your spouse to be upset and disappointed that some of your guests didn't like the food they prepared, right? Or is your spouse worried about you when you tell them honestly that you've been extremely stressed at work lately?

In reality, telling a few white lies and lies here and there is practically inevitable.
It is wrong and unacceptable to lie for selfish reasons, such as to protect your reputation, to make a terrible excuse for bad behavior, or to cover up something dangerous or hurtful. Worse, these "true lies" can cause irreparable damage to your marriage.

Ways Lies Ruin Your Marriage
If lying is common and the motive is to cheat, the liar puts the marriage at risk of disintegration.

Here are some reasons:

1. A lie is a betrayal of trust

Trust plays an important role in maintaining a happy and healthy connection in any relationship, especially in marriage. Without her, the marriage almost seems like a dead end. Married couples should be as honest as possible to maintain mutual trust.
As I said, sometimes white lies are okay, especially if you're telling your spouse to keep them happy and out of harm's way.

However, it is also important to remember that a white lie is still a lie and if not used properly it can lead to disappointment and a betrayal of trust.
Well, if white lies can lead to breaches of trust, imagine what true lies can do to your partnership and marriage.

The trust that you and your spouse have built over time will gradually lose meaning, and as the lies pile up, your marriage can eventually hit rock bottom.

2. Lying prevents sincere communication

There is no such thing as a perfect spouse or marriage, and there is always room for improvement. This is where communication comes into play.
Without it, you and your spouse cannot discuss your strengths and weaknesses or find solutions to marital problems and conflicts.
So if someone is married and lying, there is no healthier and more effective way to communicate. Now, what truth am I talking about?

The truth is, whether it's a certain behavior or attitude towards you and your marriage, you feel the need to change something about your spouse.

Or the truth that something about your relationship no longer makes you happy or fulfilled.
Even a simple white lie may take longer, but the damage is the same as a more complex lie.
Luckily, relationship coaching can help in this case. See here for details.

3. Simple Lies Tell More Lies
Take a moment to think back to the days when you told your spouse a simple lie.
It could be the money you spent, the number of times you drank with coworkers, or a gift from a coworker you liked but hated.

Now let me ask you the next question.
Did it stop there or did the lies continue? The thing is, when you stop backing up a lie with another lie, the truth becomes apparent. And without your knowledge, you are already lying over and over again.

Even if you start to feel guilty about lying to your spouse, you can't stop hiding it.
And this leads not only to conflict, but also to a betrayal of trust. Remember, learning a lie hurts even more than the secret itself.


BEING TOO BOSSY

One of the overlooked biggest mistakes in marriage is one partner desperately trying to control the other. Let's see the big picture here.

Our lives are given opportunities, and sometimes we come across unique opportunities to improve. This could mean that you won't be able to see your other half for a short time, or that your relationship won't be number one on your priority list for a while. If your spouse fails to recognize the importance of these opportunities, it doesn't bode well. A healthy relationship requires encouraging each other to do their best and work towards their dreams, even at the cost. there is.

Often the main characteristic of a controlling partner is that you need to try to change who you are. Please let me explain.

It's perfectly fine to encourage your partner to improve by being more active or drinking less Pepsi, but asking him to dress in a certain way or trying to change his beliefs and values ​​is not okay. is another matter. You married your spouse for a reason, so let him be and do what pleases him. In return, your spouse and marriage will be happier.

The busier you are, the worse your relationship will be. We are overworked, and overworked, and do not have time to share special moments with loved ones. Even if we are physically present, we are not. It's easy to lose the spark in your relationships at work and home.

If you never shut down, you will experience a phenomenon called "toxic hours," where you are physically present but emotionally detached or preoccupied with other things. This means worrying about your child's future during a soccer game or worrying about your job during a date.
Toxic time is detrimental to your relationships with others and yourself. Others can feel like they are not being seen or heard, interfering with precious moments of connection. means there is no

As a result, the relationship is at a loss. Children grow up quickly and we don't remember when we were children. Losing and losing. In retrospect, we can say that having your identity taken over by a domineering partner (under the guise of a standard relationship compromise) leads to a loss of autonomy.

Autonomy is “the ability of a reasonable individual to make informed and uncoerced decisions”.
As a bossy and bossy person, I can assure you that the bossy person does not feel forced on anyone. You don't have to convince your students to come up with a concept that makes them all A's instead of A's -Employees with
ideas to make it happen to generate $50,000 in savings.



DENY THEIR DIFFERENCES.

We all know couples who smile and agree. They go everywhere together, eat the same food, attend the same cooking classes, and watch the same TV shows. They are as happy as a 1950s TV family.

"Why wasn't I so lucky?" you might ask. But take a step back, because things aren't always what they seem.

In a marriage, it's a mistake to expect your partner to like the same thing as you every minute of every day. What if they have a different opinion than you? That's good. Don't push your spouse away or criticize them because they disagree with you. Words hurt and are hard to forget. It's perfectly normal to have different interests and opinions than your spouse. Accepting and accepting the differences between spouses is important to avoid conflict. Not only does it keep your relationship healthy, but it also allows you to be who you are. It's okay if you change your mind.

When choosing a partner, many people choose someone who has a good mix of similarities and differences. While similarities are very positive and provide a solid foundation for a relationship, differences affect your relationship and help it grow, change and evolve. A partnership is made up of two people. In many cases, the differences between the two of hers determine their strengths and weaknesses. Depending on the nature of these differences, relationships can be made or broken.

Advantages

Just as there are benefits to sharing similarities with a partner, there are multiple benefits to having differences.

First, you have the opportunity to share your experiences and interests with loved ones. It provides an opportunity to learn more about who your partner is and what drives them. Hmm. You may be attracted to them because of their adventurous spirit and willingness to experiment with your interests. You can learn a lot about your partner by sharing their experiences.

Secondly, by sharing these experiences, you learn to appreciate the person more than the activity itself. , may be enough to understand the value of this activity. Your partner may not like it taking time to hand wash the car, but it's worth it for your pride in your possessions. We can learn to appreciate your enthusiasm and enjoy the experience by your side.

Thirdly, being different allows you to see the world through a new lens. Experience adventures you never dreamed of and participate in events you never dreamed of. You may find yourself thinking from a different point of view simply because you've been shown a new way of thinking and feeling. Navigating the differences in how we communicate, socialize, interact, and express emotions can be difficult, but they can provide insight into experiences that were never possible before a relationship.

risk

The benefits are wide-ranging and seem appealing, but so are the risks. First of all, it's boring. If you don't have enough in common because of your different interests, and you spend a lot of time apart, you can get bored with the relationship. Remember, it's the other time that creates boredom, not the difference itself. It's hard to maintain a sense of security and positive affection in a relationship if you can't connect with your partner on a deeper level. Second, differences can create conflict and conflict. Neither would be a pleasant experience. Conflicts happen, but it's a healthy way to grow relationships. But it can also lead to dissonance and an inability to communicate effectively with each other. Are you willing to compromise and create a solution acceptable to both partners? If not, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship and determine if staying together is more harmful than going separate ways.

Third, as mentioned earlier, having different interests can reduce the overall amount of time you spend together. Without spending quality time together with your partner, it's difficult to maintain healthy relationships and positive communication patterns. Conflicts of interest provide an excuse not to spend time together and introduce a certain amount of instability into the relationship.


VALUES

Look at your values. What do you think? How would you rate your morale? How does your perception of right and wrong affect your life choices? Knowing where you stand is important so that you can use your values ​​and beliefs as a benchmark. take a look at the values ​​and things that are important to your partner. They may have some similarities and some differences. The value does not disappear. They change and evolve from time to time, but they remain part of life. Make sure you and your partner share at least some common values. Otherwise, you may find yourself in serious conflict throughout the relationship.


CUT OUT FRIENDS

We've all had the experience of one of our friends disappearing from the scene. You stop attending events, your behavior changes, and you realize you're not who you used to be.

Some people laugh at it and say it's a case of "whiplash," but this kind of behavior in couples is far more serious and common than many of us believe.

That is:
Marriage does not change the fact that we are social beings. I'm not saying your spouse can go to the pub every weekend, but the occasional night out with old pals shouldn't be interpreted as a sign of boredom or a cause for jealousy. Their jokes may contain minor gripes about their marriage, but it's healthy! Think of it as free and friendly therapy.

Your spouse's friends are an outlet for them to express their feelings and share their stories. and will interfere with your marriage in the long run.

The old saying goes: One is silver, the other is gold.” But some friendships are like paper. they disappear. it happens. Professions, lives, interests, and goals change.

Marriage changes your mind. It's no longer just about you, it's about the two of you as a couple, and ultimately your children when you become a parent. You may drift away from your friends.

We only have her 24 hours in a day. If you work or go to school, you don't have much time to spend with your friends after spending time with your husband, cleaning, and cooking. At the same time, you can build rich friendships with other couples. . This is important. We all need people who share the same interests to be a part of our lives.

Your true friends stay close because they're based on each other, not your common interests. Don't worry about whether or not you want to keep your current friends. Instead, think of changing your status as a positive process of determining who your true "thick and thin" friends are.

That said, just because you're married doesn't mean you should neglect to spend time with your friends. When the time comes, add opportunities for each of you to have regular “friend” time in your marriage. It strengthens your relationship in the long run. Your spouse should be the most important "other" person in your life, but they shouldn't be the only one.

Men need friends and women thrive on having a girlfriend they can confide in. Married couples have different interests and should encourage each other to pursue them. It's okay to involve your spouse in your interests once in a while, but don't assume that you can meet each other's every need for companionship.

It's about prioritizing your life to include what really matters. Of course, one thing in your life usually means less time for other things. Make sure the content of your schedule is really important to your life goals. However, you don't want to be busy with other things in order to spend less time with your spouse or a few best friends.

fine. You will find a way to balance time with friends while courting your future husband. If you have close friends who not only survived the process but became close to you as a result, make them your bridesmaids! They will probably be around for a long time.



NOT GET HELP WHEN NEEDS.

Love is blind, as the saying goes.

It's okay, love is not blind. That's because lovers are so close to their problems that they don't see a way around them. To find ways to solve problems that appear in many relationships, you need someone who can see the problem from the outside, someone who has perspective.

Whether it's a marriage counselor or your personal therapist, it's important to consider seeing someone who can provide an outside opinion and help you understand what you need. This means standing by the door and allowing someone to join your fight, but the vulnerability is worth it. When is the right time to ask someone outside your relationship for help? In most cases, the sooner the better. Instead of reacting to tragic events, be proactive and seek help before small arguments become big ones.

There is nothing wrong with considering a marriage agency. Even if your marriage is going well, a visit to a counselor may lead to even better results.

No relationship is perfect. Identifying areas that can be easily improved will only strengthen the foundation of your marriage.

Finally, expectations and responsibilities are on the list. As a couple, don't assume that one spouse is responsible for everything. Both spouses should share responsibility. In some cases, one spouse may care a little more than the other, but that is at the couple's discretion. Still, it's pretty unreasonable to expect your spouse to do everything. Why get married? You guys are a team, remember?